Word Count and Christmas Cookies

50,000 Words or Bust

In my last email I shared how I was mentally preparing for the global National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) challenge to write 50,000 words in the month of November. I’ve accomplished this challenge in the past, but it’s no easy task. NaNoWriMo encourages writers to draft nearly 2,000 words each day means no extra-curricular activities, no TV, no distractions. Period. I have been working on my 19-chapter outline for almost a year now so I was ready; fingers poised at the keyboard to fire away my best words…

…but best laid plans often go awry. In a delightful turn of events, some of my kids visited me. My kids are grown and flown and living their own lives in other states. It is a delight to my heart that they are thriving on their own. Of course I want them to move closer to me, but in the meantime I will gladly cheer them on as they live their own adventures. My oldest son and our new daughter-in-law came to visit for a week, and then my daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughter came the week of Thanksgiving. There’s nothing sweeter than waking up to the sweet toddler giggles saying “Hi, Honey!”

By the end of November I didn’t cross the finish line with 50,000 words, but I logged just over 20,000 words which is far more than I had in October! I don’t have much to share with my newly crafted story other than I’m still plugging away at adding to my word count. I’ll share my progress in the next email, but here’s a small taste; the first line:

Bryn never signed up to be a pastor’s wife, but here she was at nineteen once again stepping into the role of her dead mother’s shoes.

—

When the holidays come around I love to bake our family’s favorite treats: Lemon Loaf, Pumpkin Pie Roll, and Rosemary Orange Chocolate Chip Cookies. I found the cookie recipe a few years ago and it’s very Christmasey to me. The orange and rosemary combo is fragrant and is just different enough spin off a regular chocolate chip cookie. Plus I have an abundance of rosemary in my herb bucket so I’m always looking for ways to use it up. If you’re local, and want to try the recipe below, please stop by for a sprig or two!

Rosemary Orange Chocolate Chip Cookies

1c. Butter

¾ c. Brown sugar

¾ c. White sugar

2 eggs

3 1/2c. flour

1 ½ tsp baking soda

½ tsp salt

2 sprigs Rosemary - chopped

Grated rind from 1 orange

1 ½ c. chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350. In medium size bowl, beat butter and sugars together. Add in eggs and beat well. Sift in flour, soda, and salt. Stir until mixed together. Fold in chocolate chips, orange rind, and rosemary. Drop spoonfuls of dough onto cookie sheet and bake at 350 degrees for 9-10 minutes. 

___

Sending you my warmest wishes for the holiday season. I’m ever so grateful for your continued love and support. Merry Christmas, dear ones. 

Unexpected Redemption: Discovering Pockets of Grace after Chaos

Years ago, when my husband and I were married for just a few years, my mother-in-law bought us a kitchen table. With our limited income and growing family, all our furniture up to that point was a hand-me-down or yard-sale find, which usually meant rickety and “well-loved.” The one we picked out together was a sturdy oak table with pedestal legs and a strong base. The wood grain had natural lines that were neatly enclosed in triangular sections that pointed to the center. The chairs were similarly solid and would hold our growing children through the years. They were well-built and could endure booster seats and playdoh. We loved that table

Our oldest sitting at the original table in our first house.

And then, we lost that table during the house fire when the fiery roof collapsed on top of it. As with most things during the aftermath and putting our lives back together, we grieved the loss of our belongings along the way. We couldn’t stop everything we were doing to be fully present in our grief. It was too hard to push pause in the chaos around us to address our sorrow. If anything, we paused our emotional healing in order to address the physical needs in front of us; clothing and feeding our children, finding a temporary home to live in, and attempting to uncover hidden pockets of normalcy. 

Honestly, I haven’t thought of that table in years. And many years have passed since we received that gift from my mother-in-law who has since passed. 

And then we found ourselves in need of a new table for our breakfast nook. It’s a small space in our kitchen that has a large window where the sun first greets us in the morning. I don’t care for the typical Florida glass round tables that adorn many similar spaces. I wanted something solid for when the grand babies come to visit. Something that could endure booster seats and playdoh. 

I began my search online to find a gently used table that would work for the space. I couldn’t believe it when I stumbled upon the exact table. This was the same table where we taught our babies to fold their hands and thank God for our food. The same table where my kids drew their first letters and numbers. The same table where we celebrated birthdays and holidays. 

I was not looking for redemption. It unexpectedly found me. 

I purchased the table and choked back tears as I ran my fingers over the familiar wood grain. I am not nostalgic about most material goods, the fire took that out of me. However, having the table back in my home feels like I have a bit of our family history home again. We have a bit of my mother-in-law with us who became sweeter as she grew older and graced our lives with her joy. In the same way I was looking for pockets of normalcy after the fire, this feels like a hidden pocket of restoration. Of recompense. Of redemption. 

A bit of redemption in our cozy kitchen nook.

It’s been 23 years since we brought our first table home. The Lord did not forget the joy we shared around that space, and He did not forget our pain. He has hidden gifts of restoration and redemption just for us.  He has pockets of grace after chaos.

You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. Isaiah 58:12 (MSG)

I know...I know...It's been forever. But this is what I've been working on...

I’ve been relatively quiet on my blog. I started a new manuscript before the pandemic and chose to set my blogging aside so I could focus my writing time on my manuscript. I returned to my roots with my newest venture and wrote a historical fiction book. Historical fiction was my favorite genre when I was a kid. I couldn’t get enough of history; if that wasn’t nerdy enough, I enjoyed extra history classes in high school. There is a driving force within me that needs to understand the lives of others and the choices they make. Viewing and studying the history of others gives perspective and value to the roads they’ve walked.

A few years prior to this new manuscript venture, I became obsessed with the Civil War. Namely, Harriet Beecher-Stowe who suffered the loss of her infant son to the Cholera pandemic and in response to her grief wrote the book Uncle Tom’s Cabin which was said to spark the country to war. And Harriet Tubman who was a fierce, gun-toting, prophetic woman who lived with a head injury. 

And yet they persisted. 

I couldn’t get enough of these stories, these women who overcame unbelievable odds to tenaciously chase after their passion. It stirred something in me and I looked for a historical fiction book that told the lives of these women. I was dismayed when I couldn’t find one…so I decided to write one instead. 

I finished my manuscript in January and my wonderful book club read it in February as my Beta Readers. I took their feedback to make some revisions and tweaks to the storyline. I’m at the stage now where I’m querying agents in the hopes of finding one who believes in my work as much as I do. I have another book I’m querying, but that’s a different blog topic. I can’t tell you how much I love this story and can’t wait to share it with you. Until then, here’s a brief summary:

Lucy Wright, an abolitionist in the North, is shocked and burdened when the Fugitive Slave Act passes, allowing any free black to be captured and sold. Her worst fear occurs when her friend, Linah, is kidnapped. Lucy pulls on the wisdom of her mentors, Harriet Tubman and Harriet Beecher Stowe who challenge her to stop living in the shadow of shame and acknowledge the power of her own voice. What will Lucy do when she returns to the south to rescue Linah? Will she throw off the shackles of shame and find herself in the process? Or revert to her training and allow the patriarchy of the south to direct her path? 

This is the story of three women whose lives intersect as they fight to be seen, heard, and valued. In a world that discredits female voices, join Lucy and the two Harriets as they struggle together to pave a way for others to follow. Harriet Tubman, who suffers from a debilitating head injury, cannot read or write, has no income, yet risks her life for the sake of others. Harriet Beecher Stowe, who pens a heartbreaking and controversial book, stirs up righteous indignations and inadvertently starts a war. And Lucy, like all of us, who seeks strong mentors to guide her as she searches for her own voice.

I hope to get this into your hands soon. Until then, thank you for reading and I’ll leave you with a excerpt from my manuscript - it’s the scene when Linah is kidnapped and Harriet Tubman is encouraging Lucy to fight for her friend. 

​​Lucy wiped her nose. Her voice brittle and shaky. “What power do I have? This is just like when my grandfather beat Sophie. No matter how much I cried he wouldn’t stop until she died in my arms. Linah’s gone and I don’t know where she’s been taken. If I were a man I’d go after her and plead my case, but I can’t even—”

“You won’t ever know your power until you wield it. You won’t know the depth of your voice until you speak.” Harriet’s voice was low and strong. “My momma was trembling the day she risked her life to save my brother’s. I ain’t never seen her stand up to no white man ever before. I didn’t know it was even possible without being flogged and killed. I’ve seen others beaten to death for far less. But it was my momma’s courage that sparked a fire within me to stand up against the evils of slavery. It is her life that continues to give me the courage to continually risk my life for the sake of others.”

Harriet stood up and stepped back. She brushed the wrinkles out of her green gingham dress and tightened the knot in the red scarf around her head. Her words filled the room, “Lucy, we all have to take that risk if we are going to live for something worth fighting for. Perhaps this could be the moment you’ve been waiting for.”

The Hindsight of 2020

No one could have predicted the dumpster fire that is 2020. It's ironic thinking back to the discussion going into the new year that it would be a year of perspective, of clearer vision, and a way of seeing life differently. Certainly, this year has been a challenge for all, and I think in many ways we all have a new perspective on life; gratitude for family gatherings, humble thanks for meeting friends for coffee, and joy in being able to hug another human being. They say hindsight is 2020 and that couldn’t be more accurate as we stand on the precipice of another new year. 

As I’m sitting down to write my goals for 2021 I realized how silent I’ve been on this blog. Last December when I planned out my writing goals, I had decided to shift my time from blog posts and social media to more purposeful manuscript writing. After a few years of multiple rejections and polite “nos” from publishing houses and agents, I licked my wounds and lovingly put my steampunk manuscripts aside. And then pulled out a fresh sheet of paper and began diving into a new work that has helped me remember why I love writing. 

As a kid, I read lots of historical fiction. I took advanced history classes in high school and have an affinity for genealogy. There’s something to be learned from the stories of those who have lived lifetimes before us. In returning to my roots of reading, I’ve begun a new adventure in writing. The working title for my manuscript is “The Two Harriets” and is centered around the lives of Harriet Tubman and Harriet Beecher Stowe. These two women never met, but through their actions and words, they changed the face of a nation. To my surprise, very little in historical fiction has been written about either woman. I have researched, and read, and breathed in the amazing lives of these women and can’t wait to share their story with you. 

I appreciate your grace as I navigate the writer’s life. Working full time and having the mental space to write during a pandemic year has been interesting, to say the least. But as we’ve learned this year, we’re stronger than we think and braver than we know. I’m grateful for you, dear reader, and sending the best hopes and wishes into the new year for you and your loved ones.

The Great Mug Experiment

I’m a list maker. I thrive on making lists and crossing things off. I will even write something down that I’ve already completed simply for the pure joy of crossing it off.

In the latter part of 2019, one of the goals on my list was to decrease my caffeine intake. Even though I live in a tropical environment I actually prefer a steaming hot beverage all throughout the day. I began swapping out my several cups of coffee for herbal tea. I’d use the same mug throughout the day, reusing a tea bag for the morning and then refreshing it in the afternoon with a new one or two. One day I used my Seattle mug. As I took sips of my Peach Detox tea I began thinking of my best friend who lives in Seattle. I felt prompted to pray for her, blessing her home and family, asking the Lord to be near her at work and give her peace and grace. 

Initially, I thought it was just a prompting of prayer that my friend needed that day, but the next time I used that Seattle mug, I did the same thing. I prayed over my best friend all day. That’s when inspiration hit. If drinking hot tea all day in the same mug is reminding me to pray for my best friend, then I need more mugs that remind me to pray for my loved ones. So for Christmas, I requested mugs from my husband and children that remind me of them. 

Some are older mugs, like my Seattle mug, and some are newer, like the one my neighbor gave me for Christmas and didn’t even know about my Great Mug Experiment!

There is so much pressure as humans to do everything well. Walk 10,000 steps each day, cook meals from scratch, have an amazing marriage, raise wonderful children, work full time, not to mention volunteering, praying, reading the Bible, and giving to others. It’s quite overwhelming. 

I love the idea of having a reminder in my everyday life to pray for those I love. It’s not taking any time away from my to-do list, but rather adding to my day as I’m thinking about them, thanking God for them, and praying over their lives. 

What’s an everyday trigger that would remind you to connect your heart with God’s? Maybe it’s not a coffee mug, but a post-it note on your bathroom mirror, or a key chain that reminds you as you sit in the car line, or something else that is uniquely you. 

As I’ve been making my lists for 2020 I’ve been praying over you, dear friend. My purpose with this blog is to encourage you to be brave in your everyday life. I don’t know what direction my writing will take this year, but I’m grateful you’re on this journey with me. Let’s be brave together. 

Dare to Believe God has a Destiny for Women - Kristi Graner

I was privileged to cross paths with Kristi in 2015. I was immediately struck by her confidence and knowledge of the word of God. As a female pastor, Kristi has braved many hills and valleys in letting her voice be heard in an environment that tends to discredit women because of gender. Lean in and hear the heart of her story and gather courage for your own journey.

Becoming a pastor in the 70s and 80s took a lot of courage. Women didn’t do that, but as a Christian leader, Kristi knew she needed to follow her calling. There were many who debated with Kristi through theological arguments against women becoming leaders in the church. It was a time without any female mentors in Christian leadership who could come alongside Kristi and give her hope.

When Kristi was first out of college she visited a church with a part-time female pastor who led Bible study. She dared to dream that she could actually do that someday. She served on staff for 20 years helping adults become who they were created to be. Even though Kristi had her Masters Degree of Theology and Spiritual Formation, her opinion was valued at a disproportionate degree. She was officially ordained in 2000 but has been doing church leadership since 1990.

“When you have leadership gifts you just lead, but I still dial back my leadership so I don’t offend those around me. I still encounter prejudice as a female pastor. I don’t know what it’s like to be prejudiced against for my race or color, but I do understand what it’s like to be discounted just because I am female. The spiritual garbage is the enemy discounts people over something they have no control over (race, color, sex).” 

Kristi is grateful for the men in leadership who knew that it was God’s plan that men and women would partner in ministry. She had to learn how to be herself and lead. In the beginning, one pastor gave her the opportunity to teach but wanted her to do it just like him. If she didn’t do it just like him, she would get corrected. A friend encouraged her to be herself. You’re never going to be what you’re supposed to be if you keep trying to be someone else. Kristi came across Ed Silvoso’s book Women: God’s Secret Weapon. This was a huge breakthrough for her. Ed’s book outlined the need to understand that the attack against the body of Christ is men and women not partnering together. We’re designed to partner together. Kristi had to be ready with an answer by those who opposed her and prepared with a theological argument every time she did anything. Every time Kristi stepped out in ministry people would applaud, but there were always the critics who said Kristi was in sin for teaching because she is a woman. 

Despite her years of leadership, Kristi still battled fear of being a female leader, fear of doing something morally wrong. But through prayerful encounters with the Lord, Kristi realized the biggest lies that come against people are against their destiny. Including the lie that most women who struggle with being devalued for their gender, “If I would’ve been a man, this would’ve been a lot easier.” 

Through an encounter with the Lord, Kristi realized she had a barrier of self-protection. She had boxed herself in and blamed everyone else. She had believed the lie that it wasn’t safe to be a woman in leadership. This began the journey for Kristi to leave her church position of 20 years and begin Dare to Believe ministries. 

Not long after beginning Dare to Believe, Kristi went to an event with other pastors in her area where they were praying and prophesying over each other. One pastor came over to her, laid his hand upon her head, and began to pray. But he stopped mid-sentence and said out loud, “But Lord, she’s a woman!” The word the Lord had spoken to the man was messing with his theology. Kristi used to fight the battle herself, but when she relaxed after the wall came down she trusted that the Lord was defending her. She rested in the place of peace, rather than a place of victimized anger. This made a huge difference. 

Kristi now understood the value of trusting God to be her protection. She used to be mad at God for putting her in the position, thinking she had to figure it out. That he wasn’t for her. But to be on the other side of that she knows the Lord is protecting her. Even if people don’t like women in leadership, God is for women. Instead of believing the lie that she had to take care of herself, Kristi was now armed with the truth that she is not an orphan. She would watch as Father God would take care of her. 

So, how can we get our hearts in a good posture so we can get into the “I’m not an orphan” mentality? Kristi would encourage you to seek inner healing to reveal the lies that are in us (probably since childhood). Working on your relationship with the Lord to know you are not alone in this. The Lord is FOR you. Like a farmer who picks the rocks out of the field every spring,  we’re never done with our heart healing. In different seasons, we have to get rid of certain rocks that hinder what the Lord is planting in us. If we don’t get rid of the rocks then the season won’t be as fruitful.

If you’re a woman in ministry or dreaming of stepping into a place of leadership, you don’t need to dial back your strength to make the insecurities of others feel better. Have trusted people who will tell you the truth because we don’t always see the things inside of us that we need to deal with. 

You are valuable because you’re a woman, not in spite of being a woman. The enemy is afraid of you because you’re a woman. He wants us to stay in that legalistic place. But Jesus has overcome. Know yourself and know that you were created to be beautiful and powerful and you have a voice. If that’s not happening, you need to partner with the Lord and get healed from that. He is your protection and will open the doors and give you strategies. 

Want to hear more from Kristi? Visit her website Dare To Believe and add her on Facebook.

3 Tips for Healing from Spiritual Abuse

I recently had an article published on the Mudroom Blog regarding my journey in healing from Spiritual Abuse which led to fear of the church. [if you missed it, click HERE to read]. It’s not a club anyone wants to join, yet once you’re in, there’s a camaraderie (possibly borderline cynicism) that is the collective mantra.

Because of the responses I’ve received from those who have survived the trenches of Spiritual Abuse, I want to unpack my journey a bit further to come along-side you if you’re still uncertain about how to bandage this wound and begin the healing process.

I’m not an expert on the subject. I’m merely a fellow sojourner who got stuck in some sticky places of ministry that tainted my view of God and his people. Because vulnerability is the pathway that leads to connection, forming a deep spiritual connection within a church community can be one of the deepest levels of relationship. With such deep connections, the wounds can also be equally as deep. If you’re nodding your head in agreement with your own journey, you’ve probably wondered how you’re going to be able to get past the hurt. I want to try and unpack some tools that have helped me remove the pain and be a wholehearted, healthy person again.

#1 Recognize the person/group of people that wounded you are flawed human beings. Just because someone is in ministry doesn’t mean they don’t have issues. They may hide them better than others on Sunday morning, but they still struggle. Ask yourself if you’ve put them on a pedestal. If you have, try to imagine yourself on the same ground. Better yet, close your eyes and imagine yourself with Father God. Ask him to show you where he is between you and the person that hurt you. How close are you to Father?

I did this exercise during a relationship difficulty with a family member. I imagined myself crawled atop Daddy God’s lap. I felt safe. Comforted. Loved. Standing to the side of us, I imagined the person that hurt me. They were not in our safety bubble, but I saw God speaking to them aside. I felt in my spirit that he would handle that person. It was not my job to judge, retaliate, or defend myself. I was well protected in the arms of God. He placed assurance in my heart that he is a righteous judge and would deal with that person in his way. Even though my flesh wanted to pass judgment and get even with this person, I positioned my heart in the capable hands of Father God whom I trusted.

#2 Don’t take on the responsibility of cleaning up your abuser’s mess. This was incredibly difficult for me. I was trained with the mantra of never speaking against the Lord’s anointed. This included anyone in authority over me whether in family, government, or ministry. The problem with making a religion out of this singular verse is it put me in a very tiny box where I had nowhere to go with my pain. If I couldn’t air out the festering wounds inflicted by those in authority, then where could I take them? So, I pressed in and studied the life of David with this question in mind; how did he keep his heart pure when Saul repeatedly manipulated him, literally tried to kill him, and was insanely jealous of his gift?

I spent months studying David as I waded through healing. I discovered that he refused to let his heart harden against Saul. We can all agree that Saul was 100% wrong in the ways he dealt with David, however, his wrongness didn’t invalidate his anointing. Your spiritual abuser may still be anointed, but the pain they inflicted was not from the anointing. Oftentimes this muddies the water. They use their spiritual authority to manipulate which is 100% wrong. I searched and searched the scriptures to find the magic pill that David took that kept his heart pure. I didn’t like the feelings of cynicism and bitterness that clouded my heart and mind. Finally, I stumbled upon this verse that breathed new life back into my soul, “I have not sinned against you. Yet you hunt my life to take it. Let the Lord judge between you and me, and let the Lord avenge me on you. But my hand shall not be against you.”

Let me set the stage. David was being pursued by Saul again. Even though David had multiple opportunities to kill Saul, he stayed his hand and reminded himself to not touch the Lord’s anointed. The two men were standing across from each other from their respective caves. David showed him the fragment of cloth he cut from Saul’s robe in the middle of the night and reminded him how he did not mean him harm, yet questioned why Saul kept pursuing his life. And then he said the words that have brought me so much freedom, “I have not sinned against you. Yet you hunt my life to take it. Let the Lord judge between you and me, and let the Lord avenge me on you. But my hand shall not be against you” (1 Samuel 24: 11b-12 emphasis mine).

I’d like to believe Saul didn’t really know the damage he was causing David. He wasn’t thinking clearly. He could only see David’s success through his own insecurity and pain. I don’t know the details of the spiritual abuse you endured, but you are not responsible to clean up their mess. You ARE responsible for the condition of your own heart. I encourage you to seek to forgive your abuser. It’s not easy, but it’s doable. Take the posture of David and trust that the Lord will judge between you and your abuser. You don’t need to prove you were right and they were wrong. Nor can you expect an apology. But you can do whatever you can in your power to live at peace (Rom 12:18). Probably similar to Saul, whoever caused you harm will have a mess to clean up, and they may or may not choose to do so. But that does not reflect badly on you. What people WILL see is how you’ve handled yourself when you’ve been treated poorly. Will you be like Saul? Or will you be like David and refuse to harm the other person, trusting that God will take care of it?

#3 Have compassion for your abuser. It was very easy for me to rail my fists and cry out to God that those who hurt me should’ve known better, should have been more mature, should be helping me in my spiritual journey instead of bent on intending to crush me. I think there’s definitely a time and place for this. David modeled this throughout the Psalms how he would cry out to God in his pain. Don’t be afraid to do this. However, I found that as soon as I’d get this out of my system and begin to feel better, something else would trigger my pain and I’d be right back at the beginning railing my fists again.

In a time of prayer, I began asking God to show me the person who hurt me. I saw a small boy around the age of 5. He was crying, and dirty, and bleeding. He was in obvious pain and needed help and attention. Compassion flooded my heart. I can have compassion and forgiveness far easier for a small child than I can for a grown man. When the pain would trigger in my heart, instead of seeing a grown man, I’d imagine this tiny boy. People who are wholehearted and free from emotional pain rarely inflict pain upon others. However, people who are still carrying around childhood trauma, emotional abuse baggage, and mental disorders can behave like a carwash of porcupine quills to those they encounter.

None of these things are easy, and you’re right, they should not have treated you so badly. Can I just stand in the gap and apologize for those who hurt you? I am so sorry for the pain you’ve endured at their hands. You are a precious and beautiful gift to this world and I’m grieved that your spiritual leader was not able to see past their pain to see you for the treasure you are. You are created in God’s image and even when you were in the wrong, you are still an image-bearer of the Holy One.

I encourage you to take time and try these tips: (1) see those who hurt you as flawed, (2) don’t take responsibility for their mess, and (3) have compassion. This journey of healing from spiritual abuse is a long one, but it’s worthwhile. I’d love to hear from you. Send me an email at tannisoliveri111@gmail.com or reply in the comments below.

Can You Keep a Secret?

This is a big deal, ya’ll. I’m not gonna lie.

I wrote a thing…and it will be released online tomorrow on The Mudroom Blog. This is a vulnerable piece. It was painful to write. But my hope is to bring glory to Jesus and point to him as the healer of hurts.

Be on the lookout tomorrow and thanks for reading.

Our stories matter.

When God Tells You Where to Go...and It’s NOT Working Out! - Sharon Stults

I’ve known Sharon since I was a teenager. Our families crossed paths every summer on vacation. As a pastor’s wife, Sharon has seen her fair share of difficulties and trials, but her story of bravery involves stepping inside the four walls of a classroom. I’m sure many parents and teachers will relate to her experience and gather wisdom from it. Listen in as Sharon shares. 

Armed with her love of music and a teaching degree, Sharon stepped boldly into the classroom at an inner-city school. The previous teacher suffered a nervous breakdown and left mid-way through the year. These students would go through a teacher a year. They had learned that choir class was time to goof off and an easy grade.

With over 60 high school students in her classes, only half the kids were actually interested in singing and wanted to be there. The remaining students ran wild; climbing in and out of the windows, bringing in fast food, and displaying unruly behavior. Sharon resorted to “time out” chairs, in the beginning, to build structure in her class and allow the students who wanted to sing, to sing. Students who didn’t want to join in, but still wanted to pass the class, would flip desks over when Sharon gave them a bad grade. Some sent their parents, who were involved in gangs, to confront and threatened Sharon. It was completely out of control. 

But God didn’t give Sharon release to quit, so she kept pressing on. 

Pushing aside her remorse and disappointment in teaching, and dealing with health issues from the stress and exhausted from battling students all day, Sharon believed that God had a plan. He planted her in the situation and gave her peace in accepting the position, so she made the decision to accept her “war-zone” environment. Sharon pressed into bringing peace amidst her chaotic situation. The Lord began opening Sharon’s eyes to the students who were hopeful, and loved music, and wanted things to work out. She began praying for specific students.

Days and months went by and Sharon kept sticking to her plan of bringing calm to the crazy. When students would cuss her out and throw music in her face, Sharon would respond peacefully expressing disappointment in their sad choices. Students kept hitting her wall of peace and the tide began to turn. Students began trusting her.

God gave Sharon the strength to just keep doing the right thing. Truth will prevail. Rightness will prevail. 

Through it all, Sharon learned valuable lessons about dealing with difficult people that she didn’t have a lot in common with. For example, Sharon struggled with one student who was chronically late. Every morning, this student had to find her drug-addicted mother on any given street corner, drag her back home before she came to school. This was perspective Sharon had never faced before and stoked the fires of empathy within her soul. 

Sharon also had to learn to be authentic. She learned that kindness and caring will cross the bridge of any cultural divide. Take the time to learn why people are so angry. Find out what struggles they’re dealing with in life that makes their life challenging. The Lord was teaching Sharon skills and ways of connecting with people that served her in many other situations in her life. These students didn’t look like her, didn’t sound like her, but the Lord was teaching her ways to connect. 

If God has told you where to go and it is NOT working out, Sharon would encourage you to not quit too early. If it’s too much to handle, don’t assume it’s not from God. Perhaps you’re in the situation to acquire new skills and to reach a new people group for his glory. 

For example, when God led the Israelites out of bondage (Exodus 14), he led them in between water and the army. They didn’t have the street skills for the job. But the Lord tested their faith and wanted to bring them through something. They trusted him in an unusual plan to divide the Red Sea. In the same way, God was testing Sharon and wanted to know if she would trust him. Through her teaching difficulties, Sharon learned that she had some underlying behavior that kept her in her comfort zone, never venturing out to reach others that were different than her. 

Just like the Israelites, Sharon felt the Lord remind her they would go through this together and she would be amazed at what the Lord would do. Like he told the Israelites, “the Egyptians you see today, you will never see again” (Exodus 14:13). Sharon believed if she trusted God to bring her through this, then she would never have to deal with this struggle again. She trusted the Lord to bring her through the difficulty like he led the Israelites through the Red Sea. 

God does not promise that he won’t give us situations that we won’t feel under-qualified, under-skilled, and under-spiritual. God may put you in some fearful places, especially ones you wouldn’t go on your own. Gather prayer partners around you and find some verses to stand on. Believe that God will follow-through where He has led you. Don’t keep questioning his leading. Trust and follow. Press in and see what character development he’s building in you. 

Want to hear more from Sharon? Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Trials and the Mark of a Leader- Emily Klotz

I met Emily and her husband, Dan, at a church conference several years ago. I marveled as I watched  Emily offering encouraging words to those around her, blessing people with her kindness, and speaking wisdom from her deep well of knowledge. I’ll never forget the time she and I met for coffee and she received a text with an urgent request for prayer. She excused herself to spend a few moments in concentrated prayer for that friend. That’s just Emily. She is as authentic and real as they come. So, buckle up and get ready to receive a good word from her.

Before Emily and her husband were senior pastors, they had many years of being under authority so they would know how to handle authority with character and humility. During those many years, there was an incident that was very hurtful. Emily had friends praying over her, but they didn’t know the details of the situation. One of her friends shared the story of the Roman Centurion (read Acts 10) who approached Jesus with a request to heal his servant. When Jesus said he would go, the Roman Centurion said he need not come all the way, just say the word and he knew his servant would be healed.

This story broke Emily because she knew she needed to yield to the authority, whether she agreed with them or not. Emily felt from the Lord that this season of being under authority would prepare her for a season of greater authority and influence. You’re planting seeds for the future with your present sufferings.

Another time Emily remembers a difficult time when unfounded lies were spread about her. God reminded her about the scripture of rejoicing when people speak evil of you (Matthew 5:11). If you’re stuck in this situation, Emily would encourage you to not worry about defending yourself when people are coming against you with baseless accusations. God knows the truth. The lies about you will blow away over time like chaff in the wind. The truth of your character will stand firm. Who you are will stand the test of time. 

Through difficulty, Emily believes we can learn so much about who God truly is. Before enduring things, in your head, you can believe that he is your provider, healer, father, but until you experience Him in those areas you truly come to know him as your great healer of the brokenhearted or the loving father who will never leave us orphaned. When you experience him so close to your heart you experience intimacy with God. You get to see God and experience God in ways that you’ve never seen before. These are testimonies that you can share confidently with others because you’re speaking from experience. Emily’s husband says when you’re in a desperate position and squeezed from every side it will squeeze out a prayer that you’ve never prayed before. That prayer you’ve never prayed before means you get an answer you’ve never gotten before. 

At the age of 19, Emily survived a brutal abduction and rape (watch her incredible testimony HERE). Since that time, she believes that if the Lord could get her through that, he can get her through anything. This firm foundation has held Emily’s footing through leadership difficulties in believing that God is her defender. God is the judge. People are not the judge. In learning who God is; defender, deliverer, close to the brokenhearted, the fear of man and the fear of judgment is driven out. We can be confident in the love of God and confident as a leader. God has always been there for us and loves us for who we are. We don’t need to worry about what other people think, whether they love us or not.

Even when we don’t go through things well and we’re angry at God and we’re crying out to Him at a completely gut level, God will still be there. The answers may not be there, or as close as they need to be for us, but God will be close. He will draw us in, be patient with us as his daughters. This is part of relationship. You can be real with God and still be okay.

Trusting God through trials develops new levels of trust and God is very patient. The Lord is like water flowing over rocks in a river bed. Sometimes we wish we were farther along in life, but God is patient and persistent. He’s constantly flowing over us, washing over us, cleaning us off, softening our rough edges, and patient with the process. He’s not going to give up on us. He will keep bringing us forward. Even when we’re not patient with ourselves, we can trust him and be willing to grow in our leadership. Even though this hurts like crazy, we can learn to trust the Lord.

Going through tough times is the mark of a leader. If you’re currently going through a trial you can count on knowing God more intimately on the other side.. And you’re going to learn who you really are so you can fulfill your purpose. This is not easy, but Emily would want you to know that you are a strong, powerful, and capable leader. Every single woman has a value that is special to them alone. You are an amazing individual and have gifts unique to you. See yourself as the Lord made you, to uncover who you truly are and see how necessary, needed, and valuable you are in the body of Christ. 

Want to hear more from Emily? Find her on Instagram or Twitter.

Have you Tried Turning it Off and On Again?

My computer was slowly dying. As a virtual executive assistant by day, I demand top performance from my computer and it just wasn’t keeping up. It would crash just before I was diving into a large project or it would give me a scare with a flicker of the blue screen of death. My device didn’t use to be this slow. It used to operate quicker, more efficiently. 

The “turn it off and on again” attempt to make it run faster just wasn’t cutting it anymore. So, I took everything off my laptop that was of value to me and reset the computer it to factory conditions. 

It took 8 hours to reset. 

A few years ago I went through a major emotional crash. Like a computer, I was running efficiently despite several demands on my regular and spiritual life. I was active in full-time ministry; counseling women, mentoring marriages, coordinating events, and giving most of my time to the church. But an outside situation caused me to emotionally crash and skid to a complete halt. 

I was shut down for a long time. Internally, I couldn’t figure out how to do life again. For those of you who were with me through my pain, I’m so grateful for you as you walked with me through my deep struggle. I tried to find my “reboot” button, but it just wasn’t to be found for a long time. For years I waded through deep grief and tried to remember how to fully function.

Recently, I’ve been hearing “Divine Reset” in my spirit. I feel it during the day as I’m working. I hear it resonate in my soul at night when I’m lying down. I see it echo off the pages of scripture as I sip coffee in the morning.

At the very moment I called out to you, you answered me! You strengthened me deep within my soul and breathed fresh courage into me. Psalm 138:3

‘For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds,’ says the Lord. Jeremiah 30:17

 Like a spark of electricity sending power from a divine source, I feel a surge of excitement to “be myself again.” To fully embrace a divine reset. I don’t know what this looks like yet, but it gives me hope in the wake of my emotional crash to live “normally” again. Hope is a powerful thing.

If you have crashed, spiritually, emotionally, or otherwise, my prayer for you is to invite the Lord to speak to your heart, to remind you of his love. Read the scriptures above and hear the good Father speak them over you. I pray you will see his goodness throughout your day today and feel and know that he has good things for you. Regardless of what has happened in the past, perhaps there is a divine reset on the horizon that will bring you back to yourself; who you meant to be from the beginning.

5 Minutes to Change Your Day

You know how nice it is when someone sends you a text or an old-school note in the mail? It’s nothing specific except to extend that they have been thinking of you, praying for you, or just want to let you know how grateful they are for you?

It doesn’t happen often, right? In this age of technology, to receive a handwritten note from someone with a word of encouragement is so thoughtful. When it takes less than a minute to send a text, it takes much more time and preparation to write a note on a card, address the envelope, put a stamp on it, and mail it. 

My mentor used to say we have “thought notes” in our heads, but we often don’t do anything about it. A “thought note” could be when we are feeling grateful for that old friend who's been with us through thick and thin, but we don’t express our gratitude. It’s a “thought note.” We think about what we’d say, but we don’t actually say it. 

Why do you think that is? Is it a risk of being vulnerable? Or looking foolish? Or feeling too mushy? Maybe all of these excuses, or none of them. But maybe your words will brighten someone’s day, or make their week, or give them the hope they’ve been needing.

A former teacher of mine once showed me a plastic bag he kept in his classroom stuffed with cards. These handwritten notes and cards were ones he received from parents and students throughout his years of teaching. He said when he was feeling discouraged about his job he would open the bag and read through the notes. The words of gratitude and encouragement would give him strength to stay the course. 

I want to challenge you this week. When you have a “thought note” about someone in your life, transfer it from your brain to a card. Take your gratitude for your child’s teacher, or your neighbor, or your employer, tell them about it. It will only take you 5 minutes. It could change someone’s day. It might even change your day.

Choosing Bravery in the Face of Adversity and Judgment - Lori Clifton (Part 2)

In the last post, I introduced you to my friend, Lori Clifton. If you missed it, click HERE.

We left off with Lori in the middle of a season that held tremendous promise and yet it resulted in judgment and pain. Can we, as believers, stand at the edge of faith and dare jump again? What’s a woman to do when provision does not come as a neat package with a bow but comes with repeated incidences of judgment?

Sometimes in the middle of our pain, it’s hard to get perspective and we need to look at things through the eyes of the Lord to really gain our footing. When Lori sought the Lord about her painful season, the Lord changed the way she saw it and showed her the image of a spider web.

For us humans, a spiderweb is a nuisance. But for a spider, her web is the best means of collecting provision. What lands in the web is her provision. As yucky as that may seem for us, that is the spider’s life. The provision that came for Lori did not come the way she expected. Without eyes to see, provision appeared as judgment, but the Lord didn’t waste it. He tucked the treasure of provision in the middle of the really difficult circumstances. It’s the glory of God to conceal a matter, but the glory of kings to reveal a matter. It was what the Lord had in her story. This was training her to see the unseen. To look past the obvious and see beyond.

By faith, as a step of bravery, Lori removed the glasses of how she saw her pain and judgment and began asking to see the Lord’s provision in a new way. She settled her heart in knowing she would see the Lord’s goodness because he loves. Sometimes, we need to do this. When the world around you is constantly disappointing, be on the lookout for the Lord’s goodness. 

Not long after, Lori was invited to a meeting where she knew it was possible to see a person who had previously judged her. The long history of pain that stood between Lori and attending the meeting could’ve held her back. The months of being ridiculed and judged flashed in her eyes as she debated whether or not to show up. Sometimes, showing up is the bravest thing we can do.

So, she chose to be brave and the outcome was not what she thought it would be. In the Lord’s goodness, the person sought Lori out and apologized for the harsh judgment. Lori had already forgiven this person in her heart and the words of forgiveness fell easily from her lips. 

If you’re facing a situation that seems impossible, Lori would encourage you to look at it through a different lens. Instead of seeing it as im-possible, break it down and see it as “I’m Possible” and speak that over yourself. Why? Because you have grace for this. The divine influence upon your heart is a reflection that other people see. You are possible because of this grace. You have the grace to do this. You can stand at the edge of the cliff of faith and jump off because of the grace that’s within you and all around you. You are possible, no matter what other people see.

Want to hear more from Lori? Check out her page on Facebook HERE.

Choosing Bravery in the Face of Adversity and Judgment - Lori Clifton (Part 1)

You know when you’re excited about a new season? Maybe you’ve had an encouraging word about what’s around the corner and you’re brimming with hope and you take a big ‘ole step into the unknown. But instead of sunshine and rainbows, the season is not at all what you expected. In fact, the season turns out to be the harshest, most brutal spiritual winter that nearly obliterates your zest for life and faith. Being brave is the last thing you want to do.

I had the privilege of meeting Lori Clifton through a conference. We continued our friendship online and I’m so grateful for her. Lori has graciously mentored me through my challenges with the church and abusive leaders. She came alongside me with her own experiences of suffering and brought comfort and hope to my pain. I’m so pleased to introduce you to her and share her story of bravery. My hope is you find courage through her journey.

Lori was entering a new season. After coming out of painful years with no community and cancer visiting her family, she was excited when the Lord told her “the weight from the previous season is coming off.” For her, she knew it meant the heaviness she endured from her challenging trials, but it also meant physical weight. Things were definitely looking up!

But as she stepped into the season, doing what she knew to do, she was surprised at the adversity, especially among other believers. She was attending a prayer meeting when she felt compelled to pray over the younger generation. As a representative of an “older” generation, she felt moved by the Holy Spirit to seek to repair any damage that had adversely affected the young. Hearts were stirred, tears fell, and restoration was on the horizon. 

Unfortunately, a woman at the meeting took offense. This offense went up the chain and it was very clear that Lori was no longer welcome in their community. 

Let’s pause on that for a moment because I want this story to bring healing and hope to you. If you have done something that you absolutely felt compelled by the Lord to do, and it resulted in judgment or shame from the church, I want to press into that. Being brave sometimes means we step out into the unknown and risk something that we normally wouldn’t attempt. For Lori, that was extending an open hand across generations and asking for forgiveness. Bridging the gap and seeking restoration absolutely aligns with the heart of God. However, sometimes people can view our actions through tainted lenses and misjudge our motives. If you have experienced that, I pray that you will be able to forgive those who took offense with you. It’s not about you. It’s about them. Vertically lift your concerns to the Lord and receive healing. And then horizontally forgive those who caused you pain. Your job is not to try and convince others of your motives. Your job is to remove the weight from the previous season and not carry it into the next season.

“Being brave sometimes means we step out into the unknown and risk something that we normally wouldn’t attempt.”

Months later, Lori suffered another encounter with a group of people who also judged her harshly. This setback caused devastating pain to her already wounded soul. The kind of pain that makes a person question if it’s time to call it quits; to throw in the towel on this thing called faith. If it brings so much pain, then what’s the point in trying?

Lori cried out the Lord as she stood on the edge of the cliff of faith. Could she take another leap of faith and survive? 

To Be Continued…

You are Brave and Adventurous

In Florida, you can almost set your watch by the daily rain shower, it’s usually right around 3:00. The sky fills with clouds, rains for about 10-15 minutes, and abruptly stops to make way for the blue sky again. 

I was recently shopping when I got caught in a rainstorm such as this. As I was racing toward a storefront, hopping over puddles, a woman passing me in the parking lot shouted above the downfall, “Why do we torture ourselves.” I laughed and shouted back, “Because we’re brave and adventurous!” 

It may seem like a silly example, but yes, you. 

Yes, me. 

We are brave and adventurous. 

I’m inspired as I watch women rise above their daily challenges and face it with strength, poise, and beauty. I’m inspired as I encounter women who have been beaten down by life’s circumstances, yet continue to stand back up and become stronger than before. I’m inspired when women share their stories of living in opposition, grief, and heartache, yet remain steadfast in their faith. 

I’m always reading books and lately, they’ve been about the Civil War. I’ve especially been fascinated by the lives of the two Harriets; Harriet Tubman and Harriet Beecher Stowe. Harriet Tubman was known as the Moses of her people, who led slaves into the North on the Underground Railroad. Harriet Beecher Stowe was known for writing an inspired piece of fiction, Uncle Tom’s Cabin, that was based on actual stories of the horrors of slavery. (I’ll write about her in a later post). This isn’t new information to most, but as I’ve been reading and researching I marvel at their gifts to humanity. 

It’s not commonly known that Harriet Tubman suffered a brain injury as a child when a slave-master threw a two-pound metal weight at her head. This resulted in life-long narcolepsy (falling asleep suddenly). Some say this is when she realized her prophetic giftings as she would sleep deeply for long periods of time and have dreams of the Lord talking to her. It was this prophetic gift that she relied on to guide her as she led people out of their treacherous lives as slaves. 

It’s also not commonly known that Harriet Tubman was a nurse and a spy during the Civil War. She was always caring for others and her experiences during the Underground Railroad enabled her to get in and out of places practically unseen. She had to fight for her due income for this service, but eventually, the government rewarded her for her work (years later) and recognized her contribution to the war effort.

“It’s women like Harriet that make me believe that I can overcome any obstacle. You can overcome any obstacle.”

Harriet also dealt with deep grief as her first husband married another woman while she was leading others out of slavery. She even built a home for the aging and destitute all the while taking care of her elderly parents, and donating funds to churches, and taking care of orphans. 

And she did this without any ability to read or write.

Let that sink in for a minute. 

Oftentimes we let our excuses of “not enough education” or “not enough experience” to hold us back as we dare to step into a space that calls for bravery. But after reading books and listening to podcasts about Harriet Tubman, I am left standing empty with any reasonable excuse for what is holding me back. 

It’s women like Harriet that make me believe that I can overcome any obstacle. 

You can overcome any obstacle.

You are brave and adventurous and have more skills and advantages than you may realize. And this is why I’m writing this series. Stories have the power to transform, inspire, encourage, and give hope. Over the next several months I will be bringing stories of brave women that have inspired me. My hope and prayer, dear reader, is that their story will inspire you as well. I can’t wait to introduce you to them.

I'm Pleased to Announce...

I want to bring something that is truly valuable to you as a reader in hopes of encouraging you and building you up in your journey with the Lord. After celebrating the first anniversary of my website I went to prayer to ask the Lord what’s next on the horizon. I felt He dropped an idea in my spirit that I am so excited about.

I’m pleased to announce the Brave Women Series. 

In the next few months, I will be sharing stories of women I’ve been fortunate enough to encounter. These women are fierce, strong, and have helped me overcome trials and obstacles in my own journey through life. These women have blasted through the glass ceiling for what a woman “should be” and have embraced their identity as who God created them to be. In the months to come, I pray you will be encouraged and empowered through their stories. 

“These women have blasted through the glass ceiling for what a woman “should be” and have embraced their identity as who God created them to be.”

We OVERCOME by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony (Rev 12:11). 

You matter.

Your story matters. 

My Life is Based on a True Story

Living life is like a choose-your-own-mystery-story. I have dreams and ideas about the direction I want to go with my writing, but I’m still not sure how all things are going to pan out. I’ve been writing for several years now, but I’ve yet to have any of my manuscripts published. 

Currently, I’ve been revising (again) my YA novel Dreams that Awaken (working title). This book is about an orphan girl living in Steampunk Northern California who encounters Jesus in her dreams. I was inspired when I read a book a few years ago about Muslims in the Middle East who are serving Allah, yet begin to have dreams of Jesus. They awaken with this desire to seek him out in the daytime. They find him and give their lives to Christ when they realize his great love for them. I was fascinated about the idea of God using our dream-time to infiltrate our hearts and minds with his presence and purpose.

I love the creative process of writing and developing characters who deal with struggles much like our own. Searching for an agent and publisher is not for the faint at heart. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve my manuscript has been rejected. It’s never fun, but it’s always an opportunity to grow. Where my manuscript stands now is much stronger than where it was last year at this time.

Speaking of last year, I’m on the cusp of celebrating my website’s one-year anniversary! I purposefully chose to launch it on July 14 because that was the day I suffered the largest rejection of my life. I wanted to do something positive on the same day that nearly took out my desire to live. It’s been a long road of recovery; seeking truth, healing deep emotional gashes, finding myself again, and remembering my identity as a daughter of the Most High God. 

My life is based on a true story. It’s messy and full of mistakes. It’s silly and outrageous, but it’s mine. I have a vision for what I’d like to see down the road, but I’m determined to not let my future dictated by my past. I took a class by Brene Brown a few years ago that helped me develop bravery and courage. I think she says it best. 

“When we deny our stories it defines us. When we own our stories, we get to write the ending.”

What are you dreaming about for your story? Is there anything in the past that’s presenting itself as a major roadblock? If so, what needs to happen to get it out of the way? Your life is based on a true story. In what area do you need to find courage to live it well? 

Find it.

You can do this.

I believe in you. 

To celebrate the anniversary of the website, will you do me a favor? Will you share this blog (or another post that you enjoyed) with a friend and invite them to follow my website? I’m so grateful for you, dear reader. 

Working Through Weariness

In the span of 11 weeks, my daughter married the love of her life, my mother-in-law succumbed to her lengthy battle with a disease, and my middle son graduated high school.

If I’m honest, I’m bone-tired, friends.

The wedding was beautiful. The weather was gorgeous (for Michigan winters anyway) with the sun streaming through the stained glass windows and the groom eagerly awaiting his bride. Several of the guests described the wedding as the sweetest wedding they ever attended. My sons even sang to their sister as she danced with my husband (watch the video here). As I gazed upon my husband of 22 years leading our daughter across the dance floor, I kept thinking, “these are my people” and I was filled with overwhelming gratitude. At the end of the day my daughter said, “Mom, it was everything I ever wanted for my fairy tale wedding.” Not much else fills a mother’s heart than a happy child.

During wedding week we were able to visit my mother-in-law while she was in the hospital. It’s a miracle for all 6 of us to get together, let alone visiting my mother-in-law who’d been given a year to live five years ago. During our visit, my kids were able to tell her about their adventures of living in a new state and the challenges that came with integrating into a new culture. Toward the end of our visit, the kids blended their voices together in harmony as they sang a few of their choir songs. My dear mother-in-law, whose body was weary for this world, leaned over in her bed and allowed their sweet voices to minister to her soul. We prayed together at the end of our visit and knew that if this was the last time we see each other in this world, we would see her again in heaven. Mutual love for the Lord our God gave us hope for a reunion.

She passed three and a half weeks later.

Grieving the death of a parent was new for my husband and I. And I wasn’t sure how to support him as he flew back and forth to take care of her before she breathed her last. We did our best having deep conversations with our kids about grief and loss and tried to help them process their emotions. Sorrow in loss is deep and cutting, but it’s the hope in healing that carried us through.

We couldn’t stop long on the road of sorrow, because we had a son’s achievement to celebrate. As the third child to graduate high school I was fairly comfortable with throwing a graduation party, but let me tell you, it was tough. It wasn’t the planning or setting up that got to me. It was the aching feeling of utter aloneness that hit me hard. Without family support or close friends we’re still very much an island in our city. We have yet to be successful in finding a church to rally around us and help us cross the finish-line of raising our kids. So, we did the best we could and threw a party for my son and his friends. They were happy and enjoyed snacks and sodas, but for me there was a noticeable void of rejoicing with those that know us. That know our family. That know the ins-and-outs of our family dynamics.

Now that we’re through these beautifully challenging weeks, I’m bone weary. My heart is full of joy and sorrow and I hardly know which one I’ll be feeling tomorrow, but I’m determined to continue pressing on. This song, “Praise before Breakthrough,” has been on repeat on my heart and playlist for weeks as I work through my weariness.  

“Now that we’re through these beautifully challenging weeks, I’m bone weary. My heart is full of joy and sorrow and I hardly know which one I’ll be feeling tomorrow.”

This year is definitely one of the busiest ones for my family, but it will be okay. My husband and I decided at the beginning of this year that with so much activity (including my oldest son moving out at the end of the summer) that we just need to extend extra grace to each other as we navigate this year.

How are you extending grace to yourself, dear friend? What song is helping you pull yourself up by the spiritual bootstraps? How can I join you in prayer for the battles you’re facing? I pray you’re able to praise before your breakthrough. It will come. I just know it.

Will You Ever Be The Same After Life Knocks You Down?

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words. Take a minute to look at this picture and tell me what you see.

I see a tree that has been beaten down to a breaking point, but somehow fought to stay alive.

This tree reminded me of myself. Maybe it reminds you of yourself too.

My husband and I were recently at La Jolla Cove in San Diego. We were captivated as we watched the cute baby seals frolic in the water while their mothers were nearby sunbathing or barking at them to play nicely. As we walked along the boardwalk I noticed this tree. At first, I thought it was dead because of its humble posture toward the ground, but I quickly realized I was mistaken.

I couldn’t find any research about this tree, so I’d like to propose it has weathered many storms. It sits on top of a cliff overlooking La Jolla beach, facing the vast Pacific Ocean where the pristine waters can be seen 30 feet down. I don’t know when this tree first sprouted or when it fell over, but by the root system I’m going to assume it was once a healthy robust tree, enjoying the salty sprays of the ocean, the cool summer breezes, and the idyllic location of water-front property.

And yet, despite it’s best efforts to grow a storm knocked it down to near oblivion.

Can you relate? Storms seemingly come out of nowhere and break us at our roots, shatter our backbone, and cause us to cry up to the living God “Why is this happening?”

I don’t know why we have storms. I know Christ suffered and through his suffering, He was made perfect (Heb 5:8-9). I know in our suffering we can glorify God (1 Pet 4:14). But suffering can really suck the life out of you and make you question everything you’ve ever known.

I have FOUGHT to stay alive after weathering the storms of life. There were times I was so beaten down by life and cursed by the voice of the accuser that I thought I would live in my pain and suffering forever. But the voice of TRUTH reminded me of my value. My purpose. My place as a daughter of the King and I began to dig down deep. I found courage and began to soak up the rivers of hope that rejuvenated my soul.

I may have been knocked down, but I’m too feisty and too stubborn to stay down forever. My regrowth took a long time. And I feel I’m still crooked in some ways, but I’m alive and I’m shooting my hands toward heaven in efforts to praise God for bringing me through the storm and healing me from it’s effects.  

That is my prayer for you, my friend. If you have been broken at the core of your being and are not sure how you can ever stand up after this, take heart. Find hope. Encourage yourself in the Lord (1 Sam 30:6) and look to Him for strength. He WILL strengthen your heart.

Is the Voice of the Accuser Telling You What You’re Not?

What do you think of when you hear the phrase, “conviction of sin and righteousness?”

Let me ask the same question another way. When those around you are telling you what you’re NOT (in their efforts to convict you of sin), where is their source of information? You’re not qualified enough. You’re not pretty enough. You’re not worthy. You’re not thin enough. You’re not smart enough. You’re not kind enough. You’re not enough for this relationship. You’re not (fill in the blank) enough.

In my journey as a believer, I always believed conviction of sin meant that we are constantly feeling guilty, always repenting and feeling shame for our sins. I think this came from the denomination I was raised in as shame was a large part of their training. However, I heard a message years ago that completely changed my perspective. Rather than focusing on shame and sin, the message was centered around the conviction of righteousness. All my shame-based training had no idea what this meant.

I’d like to propose the voice of not-enoughness is not coming from a source of truth, but the source of lies, from the father of all lies. But we struggle and give room for these words. When we hear these accusations they are like a deep dagger in our heart of self-worth.

Somehow, these phrases of not-enoughness have a tendency to be spiritualized and coupled with a conviction of sin. If we’re not enough in these areas then we must be sinning somewhere, right?

Maybe. Maybe not.

I think there is tremendous value in being attuned to the Holy Spirit when we are convicted of sin. This is truly a valuable resource to have as a believer. However, I don’t think it’s the same voice that tells us we’re not enough. I think the two often get confused. What if we stopped listening to the voice of not-enoughness and started opening our ears to the conviction of righteousness. This VOICE tells us what we are through the lens of Jesus Christ.

You are worth the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Rise to the place as a daughter of the King of Kings. Don’t let the word-slime affect your position of righteousness. You are more than a conqueror through Christ Jesus. You were made for more than this. You are the Lord’s delight and He sings over you. RISE UP my strong daughter and be who I say you are. Don’t listen to the voices that tell you what you’re not. Slough it off. Scrape off the filth of unworthiness. Embrace your beauty through the wisdom of God. He is trustworthy, full of grace and mercy. He didn’t ask you to be perfect. He asked you to be His.

THIS is the conviction of righteousness. What will you do to hear this voice more clearly?