The Hindsight of 2020

No one could have predicted the dumpster fire that is 2020. It's ironic thinking back to the discussion going into the new year that it would be a year of perspective, of clearer vision, and a way of seeing life differently. Certainly, this year has been a challenge for all, and I think in many ways we all have a new perspective on life; gratitude for family gatherings, humble thanks for meeting friends for coffee, and joy in being able to hug another human being. They say hindsight is 2020 and that couldn’t be more accurate as we stand on the precipice of another new year. 

As I’m sitting down to write my goals for 2021 I realized how silent I’ve been on this blog. Last December when I planned out my writing goals, I had decided to shift my time from blog posts and social media to more purposeful manuscript writing. After a few years of multiple rejections and polite “nos” from publishing houses and agents, I licked my wounds and lovingly put my steampunk manuscripts aside. And then pulled out a fresh sheet of paper and began diving into a new work that has helped me remember why I love writing. 

As a kid, I read lots of historical fiction. I took advanced history classes in high school and have an affinity for genealogy. There’s something to be learned from the stories of those who have lived lifetimes before us. In returning to my roots of reading, I’ve begun a new adventure in writing. The working title for my manuscript is “The Two Harriets” and is centered around the lives of Harriet Tubman and Harriet Beecher Stowe. These two women never met, but through their actions and words, they changed the face of a nation. To my surprise, very little in historical fiction has been written about either woman. I have researched, and read, and breathed in the amazing lives of these women and can’t wait to share their story with you. 

I appreciate your grace as I navigate the writer’s life. Working full time and having the mental space to write during a pandemic year has been interesting, to say the least. But as we’ve learned this year, we’re stronger than we think and braver than we know. I’m grateful for you, dear reader, and sending the best hopes and wishes into the new year for you and your loved ones.

Power-Infused Truth Bombs

In Joshua 1:9, the Lord tells Joshua to be strong and courageous. Moses has just died and Joshua was stepping into his shoes as the leader of the Israelites. Talk about an intimidating job. But the Lord, in his goodness, spoke words of truth over Joshua. His words were not empty fillers, but power-infused truth bombs meant to build Joshua up from the inside out. The command to be strong and courageous left his mouth and into the heart of Joshua giving him firm resolve to not operate in his own power, but to rely on the empowerment from the Lord.

Oh, if we could follow this model. How different would our day be?

I’ve been meditating on this verse for a while and if I’m honest, it’s been a verse I’ve leaned on quite heavily this year. As I was meditating I pondered why both strength and courage are spoken. Aren’t they similar? Why say the same thing twice?

Be strong.

Strength is not something you can fake from the outside. It’s something that builds from the inside out, but it doesn’t build by accident. You have to lift weights or create resistance to build muscles. Our faith journey consists of moments of weight training and resistance training. Weight training is when you try something a bit harder, more challenging and taking more risk in your faith than you’ve attempted before. It pushes you to the next level of faith or reminds you to lift more frequently. Resistance training is when you experience push-back. When you’re rejected, or thought badly of, or something doesn’t go right when you’re brave. Resistance training prepares you for the mental and emotional challenges of stepping out in faith. This is what it means to be strong in the Lord - the internal fortitude that drives us to have courage.

Be courageous.

Courage is the external evidence that we’re stepping out in faith-going beyond our normal boundaries. You can be courageous on the inside, but if you keep it trapped inside, is it really courage? Being courageous requires action. It’s the first step on shaky ground where you don’t know what the outcome will be. Being courageous means you draw from the well of strength within you and pour it out through steps of courage. They are separate entities, but they work together. Being brave is the gasoline to the engine of courage.

What has the Lord been speaking to you? Is he asking you to go beyond your comfort zone and step out in an area that requires strength and courage? It’s terrifying, right? Here’s what sweetens the deal...God not only gives us strength and courage, but HE IS WITH US WHEREVER WE GO!

My 1,000 pound burden just got lifted. God doesn’t tell me nice things and then wish me good luck. He speaks strength and courage to me and then reminds me He’s with me every step of the way. His presence is everything! His presence is what gets me through the day.

Haven’t I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take. Josh 1:9 (MSG)

This is my command-- be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (NLT)

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not be terrified or dismayed (intimidated), for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (AMP)

You’re Not Alone in Your Loneliness

When I was growing up, my family moved around a few times which meant I switched schools more than once, six times to be exact. I got really good at making new friends and adjusting to the world around me. It was never easy, but I managed.

My family and I recently relocated to Florida. I’m not in grade school anymore, and I’ve paid my dues with reaching out to people, but finding community here has been far harder than I was prepared for. At the encouragement of a dear friend, I’ve crossed the street and introduced myself to my neighbors. I’ve visited over a dozen churches. I’ve been friendly, but loneliness follows me around like a shadow I just can’t shake.

It’s gotten to the point that I wonder if I’m invisible. It sounds stupid, I know, but after attending the same church for 9 months I felt completely anonymous. So, I quit. My disappointment with the church has made me question the modern-day Christian community/clique. But that’s a different blog topic.

I know I’m not alone in my loneliness. It’s something everyone struggles with at some point in their lives. How can we be surrounded by people, yet not feel connected? So, what’s a girl to do? I love Jesus – he’s my favorite, and yet I struggle to find a community that loves Him and acts like him in reaching out to others.

We make connections through vulnerability. No one makes connections by “having it all together.” I teeter on the edge of being vulnerable and reaching out to others, but fear holds me back from being rejected. And yet I hold on to hope and continue to put my heart out there. I see glimpses of Jesus at Bible Study and I remind my soul to not be discouraged.

I don’t have deep words of wisdom to share today, other than if you’re battling loneliness – you’re not alone. Have courage, dear heart.

How to Deal with Stupid Lies

Last week I shared a story of how a woman’s well-meaning concern triggered an old fear in me (click HERE if you missed it). False information can send our hearts pounding and our minds frozen. This week I want to unpack how to replace that false information with the truth.

The false information I shared last week was thinking my house was on fire. Even though it’s been many years since I lost everything in a house fire, I still have deeply embedded memories that are activated with the sight of smoke, a burning smell, or sometimes even a loud bang. When the aftermath of the fire was still fresh I was afraid to leave our home for fear it would burn while I was gone. When I would venture out I would inevitably hear the voice of fear telling me my house was on fire again.

It’s hard to be free when lies paralyze you with fear. Truth is the antidote.

In my own battle against the lies about my house burning again I took the word of God literally and began using scripture as a weapon. Every time I heard the lie, “Your house is burning,” I began slicing it with the truth; trust and faith in God that He would take care of me. I would recite (in my head or sometimes under my breath) the first few verses from the book of James; count it all joy my brethren when you fall into various trials...let patience have its perfect work...if you lack wisdom ask of God.

I definitely lacked wisdom during that time. Taking my fearful thoughts and shifting the focus off me to the wisdom of God helped calm my spirit and realize I’m not alone in this fight. As I look back at all the trials I’ve overcome through the years there is always an overarching theme or truth from scripture that helped me win the battle.

What fear are you battling? What scripture can you use to slice through that fear? You are powerful and stronger than you think!

This Information Made My Heart Pound...

The other day I was getting ready to take my son to school when a woman stopped in front of our driveway and told my son something was smoking in our backyard. I was still in the house gathering my purse and keys when he told me so I scurried outside to see what was going on. I could certainly smell smoke, but our backyard is mostly the pool surrounded by fencing.

Nothing was smoking. But the landscapers in my neighbor’s yard were firing up their weed-whackers letting out streams of smoke.

But my heart was pounding as if the whole backyard was engulfed.

And my fear of losing my house in a house fire flooded my brain.

What the well-meaning woman didn’t know was that I’ve survived a house fire. She had no idea that her concern would trigger the pain from my past; the pain of loss and fear of fire that took me years to heal from.

It took me a few hours to calm my pounding heart and frightened spirit. I had to recognize what triggered my emotions was false information and replace it with the truth.

Have you dealt with that? Your day is fine and then something triggers a memory or a feeling and suddenly you’re feeling depressed or afraid. Maybe it’s an off-hand remark that reminds you of something shameful from your past and ruins your whole day. Or an image or memory that points to an emotional wound that hasn’t healed. Next time you have this try to back up the day’s events and uncover what triggered your feelings. Recognize what is real and what is false information.

Next week I’ll talk about what to do next; replacing the false information with the truth. But until then, know that you matter and your story matters. 

Have You Given Your Power Away?

I went through some trauma a few years ago and it shook me to the core of my being. I couldn't function. I couldn't think. I felt worthless, tossed aside, and hated.

It took many months before I began crawling out of the hole of despair and I still have days that I fight to quiet the voice of shame in my head. Recently my mentor said something that helped shift my thinking.

She asked, "When did you give your power away?"

At first, I didn't like the question. The person who inflicted the trauma stole my power. The trauma was not something I invited or even wanted and it left me defeated. But that's not what she meant. My mentor wanted me to pinpoint the time and space that I gave away my freedom to the voice of shame. When did I regard the condemning thoughts and feeling of others above my own self-worth?

Since that valuable conversation, I've purposed in my heart to take back my power. In reality, this looks like quieting the voice of shame. It looks like telling condemnation it has no place in my heart and mind. It's taking the lies that I hear in my head and replacing them with the truth.

"For if you embrace the truth, it will release more freedom into your lives." John 8:32

How are you taking your power back? I'd love to hear your comments below.

Though she be but little, she is fierce.

I'm not tall. I used to high-jump and I'd force my short legs to catapult me over the bar. Oftentimes in competitions, I'd beat out girls who were 6" taller than me. I may be little, but I am fierce.

To be fierce means; intensive aggressiveness, heartfelt intensity, powerful, destructive. 

Do you feel small? Do you wonder if you'll make a difference in this world? Don't let your physical size influence the intensity of your heart. Go after your passion. Be fierce.