Dare to Believe God has a Destiny for Women - Kristi Graner

I was privileged to cross paths with Kristi in 2015. I was immediately struck by her confidence and knowledge of the word of God. As a female pastor, Kristi has braved many hills and valleys in letting her voice be heard in an environment that tends to discredit women because of gender. Lean in and hear the heart of her story and gather courage for your own journey.

Becoming a pastor in the 70s and 80s took a lot of courage. Women didn’t do that, but as a Christian leader, Kristi knew she needed to follow her calling. There were many who debated with Kristi through theological arguments against women becoming leaders in the church. It was a time without any female mentors in Christian leadership who could come alongside Kristi and give her hope.

When Kristi was first out of college she visited a church with a part-time female pastor who led Bible study. She dared to dream that she could actually do that someday. She served on staff for 20 years helping adults become who they were created to be. Even though Kristi had her Masters Degree of Theology and Spiritual Formation, her opinion was valued at a disproportionate degree. She was officially ordained in 2000 but has been doing church leadership since 1990.

“When you have leadership gifts you just lead, but I still dial back my leadership so I don’t offend those around me. I still encounter prejudice as a female pastor. I don’t know what it’s like to be prejudiced against for my race or color, but I do understand what it’s like to be discounted just because I am female. The spiritual garbage is the enemy discounts people over something they have no control over (race, color, sex).” 

Kristi is grateful for the men in leadership who knew that it was God’s plan that men and women would partner in ministry. She had to learn how to be herself and lead. In the beginning, one pastor gave her the opportunity to teach but wanted her to do it just like him. If she didn’t do it just like him, she would get corrected. A friend encouraged her to be herself. You’re never going to be what you’re supposed to be if you keep trying to be someone else. Kristi came across Ed Silvoso’s book Women: God’s Secret Weapon. This was a huge breakthrough for her. Ed’s book outlined the need to understand that the attack against the body of Christ is men and women not partnering together. We’re designed to partner together. Kristi had to be ready with an answer by those who opposed her and prepared with a theological argument every time she did anything. Every time Kristi stepped out in ministry people would applaud, but there were always the critics who said Kristi was in sin for teaching because she is a woman. 

Despite her years of leadership, Kristi still battled fear of being a female leader, fear of doing something morally wrong. But through prayerful encounters with the Lord, Kristi realized the biggest lies that come against people are against their destiny. Including the lie that most women who struggle with being devalued for their gender, “If I would’ve been a man, this would’ve been a lot easier.” 

Through an encounter with the Lord, Kristi realized she had a barrier of self-protection. She had boxed herself in and blamed everyone else. She had believed the lie that it wasn’t safe to be a woman in leadership. This began the journey for Kristi to leave her church position of 20 years and begin Dare to Believe ministries. 

Not long after beginning Dare to Believe, Kristi went to an event with other pastors in her area where they were praying and prophesying over each other. One pastor came over to her, laid his hand upon her head, and began to pray. But he stopped mid-sentence and said out loud, “But Lord, she’s a woman!” The word the Lord had spoken to the man was messing with his theology. Kristi used to fight the battle herself, but when she relaxed after the wall came down she trusted that the Lord was defending her. She rested in the place of peace, rather than a place of victimized anger. This made a huge difference. 

Kristi now understood the value of trusting God to be her protection. She used to be mad at God for putting her in the position, thinking she had to figure it out. That he wasn’t for her. But to be on the other side of that she knows the Lord is protecting her. Even if people don’t like women in leadership, God is for women. Instead of believing the lie that she had to take care of herself, Kristi was now armed with the truth that she is not an orphan. She would watch as Father God would take care of her. 

So, how can we get our hearts in a good posture so we can get into the “I’m not an orphan” mentality? Kristi would encourage you to seek inner healing to reveal the lies that are in us (probably since childhood). Working on your relationship with the Lord to know you are not alone in this. The Lord is FOR you. Like a farmer who picks the rocks out of the field every spring,  we’re never done with our heart healing. In different seasons, we have to get rid of certain rocks that hinder what the Lord is planting in us. If we don’t get rid of the rocks then the season won’t be as fruitful.

If you’re a woman in ministry or dreaming of stepping into a place of leadership, you don’t need to dial back your strength to make the insecurities of others feel better. Have trusted people who will tell you the truth because we don’t always see the things inside of us that we need to deal with. 

You are valuable because you’re a woman, not in spite of being a woman. The enemy is afraid of you because you’re a woman. He wants us to stay in that legalistic place. But Jesus has overcome. Know yourself and know that you were created to be beautiful and powerful and you have a voice. If that’s not happening, you need to partner with the Lord and get healed from that. He is your protection and will open the doors and give you strategies. 

Want to hear more from Kristi? Visit her website Dare To Believe and add her on Facebook.

Choosing Bravery in the Face of Adversity and Judgment - Lori Clifton (Part 1)

You know when you’re excited about a new season? Maybe you’ve had an encouraging word about what’s around the corner and you’re brimming with hope and you take a big ‘ole step into the unknown. But instead of sunshine and rainbows, the season is not at all what you expected. In fact, the season turns out to be the harshest, most brutal spiritual winter that nearly obliterates your zest for life and faith. Being brave is the last thing you want to do.

I had the privilege of meeting Lori Clifton through a conference. We continued our friendship online and I’m so grateful for her. Lori has graciously mentored me through my challenges with the church and abusive leaders. She came alongside me with her own experiences of suffering and brought comfort and hope to my pain. I’m so pleased to introduce you to her and share her story of bravery. My hope is you find courage through her journey.

Lori was entering a new season. After coming out of painful years with no community and cancer visiting her family, she was excited when the Lord told her “the weight from the previous season is coming off.” For her, she knew it meant the heaviness she endured from her challenging trials, but it also meant physical weight. Things were definitely looking up!

But as she stepped into the season, doing what she knew to do, she was surprised at the adversity, especially among other believers. She was attending a prayer meeting when she felt compelled to pray over the younger generation. As a representative of an “older” generation, she felt moved by the Holy Spirit to seek to repair any damage that had adversely affected the young. Hearts were stirred, tears fell, and restoration was on the horizon. 

Unfortunately, a woman at the meeting took offense. This offense went up the chain and it was very clear that Lori was no longer welcome in their community. 

Let’s pause on that for a moment because I want this story to bring healing and hope to you. If you have done something that you absolutely felt compelled by the Lord to do, and it resulted in judgment or shame from the church, I want to press into that. Being brave sometimes means we step out into the unknown and risk something that we normally wouldn’t attempt. For Lori, that was extending an open hand across generations and asking for forgiveness. Bridging the gap and seeking restoration absolutely aligns with the heart of God. However, sometimes people can view our actions through tainted lenses and misjudge our motives. If you have experienced that, I pray that you will be able to forgive those who took offense with you. It’s not about you. It’s about them. Vertically lift your concerns to the Lord and receive healing. And then horizontally forgive those who caused you pain. Your job is not to try and convince others of your motives. Your job is to remove the weight from the previous season and not carry it into the next season.

“Being brave sometimes means we step out into the unknown and risk something that we normally wouldn’t attempt.”

Months later, Lori suffered another encounter with a group of people who also judged her harshly. This setback caused devastating pain to her already wounded soul. The kind of pain that makes a person question if it’s time to call it quits; to throw in the towel on this thing called faith. If it brings so much pain, then what’s the point in trying?

Lori cried out the Lord as she stood on the edge of the cliff of faith. Could she take another leap of faith and survive? 

To Be Continued…

Power-Infused Truth Bombs

In Joshua 1:9, the Lord tells Joshua to be strong and courageous. Moses has just died and Joshua was stepping into his shoes as the leader of the Israelites. Talk about an intimidating job. But the Lord, in his goodness, spoke words of truth over Joshua. His words were not empty fillers, but power-infused truth bombs meant to build Joshua up from the inside out. The command to be strong and courageous left his mouth and into the heart of Joshua giving him firm resolve to not operate in his own power, but to rely on the empowerment from the Lord.

Oh, if we could follow this model. How different would our day be?

I’ve been meditating on this verse for a while and if I’m honest, it’s been a verse I’ve leaned on quite heavily this year. As I was meditating I pondered why both strength and courage are spoken. Aren’t they similar? Why say the same thing twice?

Be strong.

Strength is not something you can fake from the outside. It’s something that builds from the inside out, but it doesn’t build by accident. You have to lift weights or create resistance to build muscles. Our faith journey consists of moments of weight training and resistance training. Weight training is when you try something a bit harder, more challenging and taking more risk in your faith than you’ve attempted before. It pushes you to the next level of faith or reminds you to lift more frequently. Resistance training is when you experience push-back. When you’re rejected, or thought badly of, or something doesn’t go right when you’re brave. Resistance training prepares you for the mental and emotional challenges of stepping out in faith. This is what it means to be strong in the Lord - the internal fortitude that drives us to have courage.

Be courageous.

Courage is the external evidence that we’re stepping out in faith-going beyond our normal boundaries. You can be courageous on the inside, but if you keep it trapped inside, is it really courage? Being courageous requires action. It’s the first step on shaky ground where you don’t know what the outcome will be. Being courageous means you draw from the well of strength within you and pour it out through steps of courage. They are separate entities, but they work together. Being brave is the gasoline to the engine of courage.

What has the Lord been speaking to you? Is he asking you to go beyond your comfort zone and step out in an area that requires strength and courage? It’s terrifying, right? Here’s what sweetens the deal...God not only gives us strength and courage, but HE IS WITH US WHEREVER WE GO!

My 1,000 pound burden just got lifted. God doesn’t tell me nice things and then wish me good luck. He speaks strength and courage to me and then reminds me He’s with me every step of the way. His presence is everything! His presence is what gets me through the day.

Haven’t I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take. Josh 1:9 (MSG)

This is my command-- be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (NLT)

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not be terrified or dismayed (intimidated), for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (AMP)

4 Tips on How to Be Fully Present this Holiday

I’m in my 10th year as a choir/band mom. My oldest began choir her 6th grade year which led the charge for all her siblings to join in music in one form or another. This means that I’ve sat in many auditoriums, theatres, and stadiums getting my ears tickled by the sounds of music. It’s funny how we’ll be sitting through the program and recognize a song that a different child sang or played at another time and place.

The songs haven’t changed much, but there has been a dramatic shift that has not gone unnoticed. As the students are giving the gift of music, the audience is inevitably on their phones. It’s devastating, really. The addiction to phones steals priceless memories that cannot be replaced.

I was recently at the happiest place on earth watching an entertaining performance by the main cast. A couple standing next to us was trying to capture the moment with a perfect picture. They took a picture, then looked at it on their phone. Then took another, then looked at it. Then took yet another one and looked at it. This continued until the show was over. They had missed the event entirely.

They were so intent on sharing that they were not present.

I work virtually and my phone helps me get my work done throughout the day. It is a tool I use to serve my job, not the other way around. I do not serve my phone. When it dings, I don’t jump to its command. But I fear our phones are becoming a dominant voice that’s drowning out the voices and attention of our loved ones. How can we turn this around?

Here are 4 tips that may help you be fully present this holiday:

1. Move your social media to the last page on your phone. This helps me not default to tapping on social media when I have an extra minute. As you’re swiping to get to the link, ask yourself if you really need to check it right now.

2. Turn off notifications.  I have a strong dislike for notifications. They’re interrupters and upset my flow during the day. Again, I don’t jump to the “ding” on my phone. It’s there to serve me and I will check it when it fits my schedule. If it’s an emergency, they’ll call.

3. Remove the pressure of having to capture every moment. My husband recently took me to a concert. The hall forbade any recording or pictures. It was so delightful to sit and listen and not worry about having to take video to share with others. This was a special memory for just my husband and I to share.

4. Put the phone down. This is hard, I know. But feast your eyes on the faces you’re with. Breathe in the smells of the season. Delight your heart on the giggles and smiles that are shared. Be fully present.

You’re Not Alone in Your Loneliness

When I was growing up, my family moved around a few times which meant I switched schools more than once, six times to be exact. I got really good at making new friends and adjusting to the world around me. It was never easy, but I managed.

My family and I recently relocated to Florida. I’m not in grade school anymore, and I’ve paid my dues with reaching out to people, but finding community here has been far harder than I was prepared for. At the encouragement of a dear friend, I’ve crossed the street and introduced myself to my neighbors. I’ve visited over a dozen churches. I’ve been friendly, but loneliness follows me around like a shadow I just can’t shake.

It’s gotten to the point that I wonder if I’m invisible. It sounds stupid, I know, but after attending the same church for 9 months I felt completely anonymous. So, I quit. My disappointment with the church has made me question the modern-day Christian community/clique. But that’s a different blog topic.

I know I’m not alone in my loneliness. It’s something everyone struggles with at some point in their lives. How can we be surrounded by people, yet not feel connected? So, what’s a girl to do? I love Jesus – he’s my favorite, and yet I struggle to find a community that loves Him and acts like him in reaching out to others.

We make connections through vulnerability. No one makes connections by “having it all together.” I teeter on the edge of being vulnerable and reaching out to others, but fear holds me back from being rejected. And yet I hold on to hope and continue to put my heart out there. I see glimpses of Jesus at Bible Study and I remind my soul to not be discouraged.

I don’t have deep words of wisdom to share today, other than if you’re battling loneliness – you’re not alone. Have courage, dear heart.

Stop Being a “Nice” Christian

Think for a minute about the promises God has made to you. Maybe you received them through scriptures or through a prophetic word. However you received them, have you attained those promises yet? Or are they still beyond your grasp?

Joshua 12 lists the names of kings that were kicked out of the Promised Land; the land promised to the people of God. It’s not a riveting read, but as I was studying, I was trying to put myself in Joshua’s shoes. I mean, after all, these kings had been there a long time! I began asking myself if I would ask politely for the land for fear of offending the inhabitants? Or would I tip-toe around them and try to convince them that God gave me this land?

And then it hit me. I’ve tip-toed around many established “kings” in my life. They are standing in spaces that God has promised to me and I need to STOP being a “nice” Christian and take what is rightfully mine!

For example, all my life I’ve dealt with a patriarchal viewpoint that I’m lesser because I’m a woman. Maybe I sound ignorant, but I never knew any different. The “king” that stood in my way needed to be removed, and it wasn’t going to voluntarily budge with me being a “nice” Christian.

In our lives, we don’t battle physical people like Joshua did, but we battle things in our minds; wrong ideas, poor images of ourselves, lies we’ve believed. What “kings” are standing in the way of the precious real estate in your mind? What will it take to conquer them?

For me, I had to remove the belief that told me I am not valuable as a woman. I asked for God’s perspective on how He sees me - I am His beloved daughter. Period. I am valuable. I am loved. And I will take the ground that God has promised me. I’m not going to be “nice” anymore. What are you tip-toeing around?

It's Important to be Known by Name

I have two amazing sisters. When we were kids people would often get us confused. It was not uncommon for me to be called by my sister’s names by those who “knew” us. Sometimes we were even collectively referred to as “the Gardner girls” (Gardner was my maiden name). The worst was when we had a family photo for the church directory and they didn’t even bother printing our names.

It has always been important to me to be known by my name.

Sure, I have an unusual name and it’s been pronounced and/or spelled as; Janice, Tennis, and the most recent horror, Tan-dis. Is this better than not being known at all? I think it’s about the same level of disconnect. Not long ago I attended a women’s group and stopped going after 5 months because no one knew my name, even after I went to great lengths to get to know other people.

I’m not here to be anonymous. I believe we have an innate sense to be seen, heard, and valued for OUR identity, not for who we’re associated with or what we’ve done.

There was a woman who got pregnant by her boss, then fired by his wife, and thrown out into the wild to survive on her own. She was destitute and alone, and yet, God saw her in her pain and spoke hope to her situation (you can read the story in Genesis 16). God saw her and He sees you.

Maybe you need to hear this today. YOU ARE SEEN, HEARD, AND VALUED.

You are not anonymous. God knows your name. He sees you. He hears you. Press into that truth today. You matter, dear friend. 

How to Deal with Stupid Lies

Last week I shared a story of how a woman’s well-meaning concern triggered an old fear in me (click HERE if you missed it). False information can send our hearts pounding and our minds frozen. This week I want to unpack how to replace that false information with the truth.

The false information I shared last week was thinking my house was on fire. Even though it’s been many years since I lost everything in a house fire, I still have deeply embedded memories that are activated with the sight of smoke, a burning smell, or sometimes even a loud bang. When the aftermath of the fire was still fresh I was afraid to leave our home for fear it would burn while I was gone. When I would venture out I would inevitably hear the voice of fear telling me my house was on fire again.

It’s hard to be free when lies paralyze you with fear. Truth is the antidote.

In my own battle against the lies about my house burning again I took the word of God literally and began using scripture as a weapon. Every time I heard the lie, “Your house is burning,” I began slicing it with the truth; trust and faith in God that He would take care of me. I would recite (in my head or sometimes under my breath) the first few verses from the book of James; count it all joy my brethren when you fall into various trials...let patience have its perfect work...if you lack wisdom ask of God.

I definitely lacked wisdom during that time. Taking my fearful thoughts and shifting the focus off me to the wisdom of God helped calm my spirit and realize I’m not alone in this fight. As I look back at all the trials I’ve overcome through the years there is always an overarching theme or truth from scripture that helped me win the battle.

What fear are you battling? What scripture can you use to slice through that fear? You are powerful and stronger than you think!

Do You Realize the Power of Your Story?

When I designed my website I thought long and hard about how I can bless you, my readers. I kept coming back to the phrase, “You Matter. Your Story Matters.” It may be only a few words, but it speaks volumes to me and the reason why I write. You are the reason I write.

I love books. I’ve been an avid reader since I was a kid. Books tell stories and more importantly, the author crafting the words shares part of themselves through the story. Regardless if the genre is romance, or steampunk, or biographical, the story is what holds our attention. The story is what captivates and motivates us to turn the page.

Your life story is still being written. Maybe things haven’t gone exactly the way you planned. Maybe you’ve got writer’s block and you’re not sure what direction you should take in life. Or you feel stuck in a “Choose your own ending” type book and you don’t want to make the wrong decision and get started down a path you can’t get away from.

But here’s the deal, your life is your story and the world needs to hear it. Even if you’re feeling like a minor character in your own world, maybe you’re on the cusp of a great adventure that will catapult you into being the hero. Regardless of your stage in life, you matter and your story matters. Share your story and be amazed at the power of your life.

Have You Given Your Power Away?

I went through some trauma a few years ago and it shook me to the core of my being. I couldn't function. I couldn't think. I felt worthless, tossed aside, and hated.

It took many months before I began crawling out of the hole of despair and I still have days that I fight to quiet the voice of shame in my head. Recently my mentor said something that helped shift my thinking.

She asked, "When did you give your power away?"

At first, I didn't like the question. The person who inflicted the trauma stole my power. The trauma was not something I invited or even wanted and it left me defeated. But that's not what she meant. My mentor wanted me to pinpoint the time and space that I gave away my freedom to the voice of shame. When did I regard the condemning thoughts and feeling of others above my own self-worth?

Since that valuable conversation, I've purposed in my heart to take back my power. In reality, this looks like quieting the voice of shame. It looks like telling condemnation it has no place in my heart and mind. It's taking the lies that I hear in my head and replacing them with the truth.

"For if you embrace the truth, it will release more freedom into your lives." John 8:32

How are you taking your power back? I'd love to hear your comments below.

Though she be but little, she is fierce.

I'm not tall. I used to high-jump and I'd force my short legs to catapult me over the bar. Oftentimes in competitions, I'd beat out girls who were 6" taller than me. I may be little, but I am fierce.

To be fierce means; intensive aggressiveness, heartfelt intensity, powerful, destructive. 

Do you feel small? Do you wonder if you'll make a difference in this world? Don't let your physical size influence the intensity of your heart. Go after your passion. Be fierce.