Rebuilding

Unexpected Redemption: Discovering Pockets of Grace after Chaos

Years ago, when my husband and I were married for just a few years, my mother-in-law bought us a kitchen table. With our limited income and growing family, all our furniture up to that point was a hand-me-down or yard-sale find, which usually meant rickety and “well-loved.” The one we picked out together was a sturdy oak table with pedestal legs and a strong base. The wood grain had natural lines that were neatly enclosed in triangular sections that pointed to the center. The chairs were similarly solid and would hold our growing children through the years. They were well-built and could endure booster seats and playdoh. We loved that table

Our oldest sitting at the original table in our first house.



And then, we lost that table during the house fire when the fiery roof collapsed on top of it. As with most things during the aftermath and putting our lives back together, we grieved the loss of our belongings along the way. We couldn’t stop everything we were doing to be fully present in our grief. It was too hard to push pause in the chaos around us to address our sorrow. If anything, we paused our emotional healing in order to address the physical needs in front of us; clothing and feeding our children, finding a temporary home to live in, and attempting to uncover hidden pockets of normalcy. 

Honestly, I haven’t thought of that table in years. And many years have passed since we received that gift from my mother-in-law who has since passed. 

And then we found ourselves in need of a new table for our breakfast nook. It’s a small space in our kitchen that has a large window where the sun first greets us in the morning. I don’t care for the typical Florida glass round tables that adorn many similar spaces. I wanted something solid for when the grand babies come to visit. Something that could endure booster seats and playdoh. 

I began my search online to find a gently used table that would work for the space. I couldn’t believe it when I stumbled upon the exact table. This was the same table where we taught our babies to fold their hands and thank God for our food. The same table where my kids drew their first letters and numbers. The same table where we celebrated birthdays and holidays. 

I was not looking for redemption. It unexpectedly found me. 

I purchased the table and choked back tears as I ran my fingers over the familiar wood grain. I am not nostalgic about most material goods, the fire took that out of me. However, having the table back in my home feels like I have a bit of our family history home again. We have a bit of my mother-in-law with us who became sweeter as she grew older and graced our lives with her joy. In the same way I was looking for pockets of normalcy after the fire, this feels like a hidden pocket of restoration. Of recompense. Of redemption. 

A bit of redemption in our cozy kitchen nook.

It’s been 23 years since we brought our first table home. The Lord did not forget the joy we shared around that space, and He did not forget our pain. He has hidden gifts of restoration and redemption just for us.  He has pockets of grace after chaos.


You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. Isaiah 58:12 (MSG)

Through the Fire and Back Again

I have a confession to make...I used to be afraid of the month of April.

It’s silly, I know, but it’s true. For years, something devastating would happen in the month of April. Events like a family member dying, a severe car accident, putting the dog down, and the worst of them all, our house fire. It’s been 15 years ago now, but when April comes around my thoughts turn toward the time in our lives when we lost everything on April 3, 2004.

It was a sunny Saturday morning and the dirty snow piles were yielding to the warmer weather. I was attempting to welcome the spring by cleaning the winter-beaten windows and inviting some fresh air inside, even though I had to stop and rest often to nurse my 8-week old baby and redirect my 2 year old as he played. Their dad was working and their two siblings were at their grandparents house.

It was late in the afternoon when my husband came home, parked his car in the garage, and went to get cleaned up. It was only a few minutes later when I smelled something unusual. I couldn’t place it as a normal country-living-smell. Our neighbor wasn’t burning trash or leaves. This was different - like plastic and oil burning hot.

I glanced out the front window to see plumes of white smoke billowing out of our garage. I ran to the door only to discover flames shooting out from my husband’s car.

I screamed for help.

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We don’t anticipate the fires in our lives. We welcome the restful rain that soothes our souls, the warm sunshine that gives us hope, and the crisp breezes that blow away the unnecessary fluff that clutters our lives. But fire is an unforeseen event that is hard to prepare for. A fire is unforgiving and will gnaw and chew through anything in it’s way. It doesn’t regard an irreplaceable homemade Christmas decoration or love letters that were written by teenagers who fell in love and got married. Fire destroys all in it’s path until it can be beaten back by water which ironically also destroys.

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We lost everything that day. The fire that began in the garage (next to gas cans and hunting ammunition) shot through the rooftops, blasted through the empty attic, and burned the house top down. Thankfully no one was injured as we stood in the backyard and watched the firemen get the blaze under control.

It took months to find normality again. Homeless, yet still paying a mortgage, we shifted to temporary housing as we planned to rebuild our home.

The charred house was bulldozed sometime in July, nearly 3 months after the fire. In this picture, you’ll notice the iris that grew through the ashes and broken glass. Even though the bulldozing was necessary in order to rebuild, I couldn’t watch. I couldn’t face seeing all the memories stored inside that home razed to the ground in a few moments.

Iris in Ash small.jpg

When we experience fires in life that destroy, it paves the way for a rebuilding process. The alternative is to remain inside the rubble and lament over what was lost. Believe me, I did plenty of that, but I couldn’t LIVE there.

The book of Nehemiah has been a tremendous comfort to me as I’ve experienced seasons of being torn down and seasons of being rebuilt. If you’re unfamiliar with the story, Nehemiah was working in another city serving a king. He learned of his city sitting in shambles and with permission of his employer, he set out to rebuild the wall.

But there was opposition. His “frenemies” mocked him, sent him accusing letters, and tried to trap him into sin, but Nehemiah pressed on. I want to talk more about this another time, but I want to leave you with this final thought. If you’re in a season of rebuilding, meditate on this scripture.

“Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, great and awesome, and fight for (your family). Those who built on the wall, and those who carried burdens, loaded themselves so that with one hand they worked at construction, and with the other held a weapon.”

Nehemiah 4:14 & 17

The rebuilding process is arduous and sometimes even those closest to you will not understand your struggle. Don’t be discouraged. Rebuild with one hand and fight with the other. You ARE equipped for this. In your weakness God’s strength can move through you. Rely on Him to get you through this.