Grace

Unexpected Redemption: Discovering Pockets of Grace after Chaos

Years ago, when my husband and I were married for just a few years, my mother-in-law bought us a kitchen table. With our limited income and growing family, all our furniture up to that point was a hand-me-down or yard-sale find, which usually meant rickety and “well-loved.” The one we picked out together was a sturdy oak table with pedestal legs and a strong base. The wood grain had natural lines that were neatly enclosed in triangular sections that pointed to the center. The chairs were similarly solid and would hold our growing children through the years. They were well-built and could endure booster seats and playdoh. We loved that table

Our oldest sitting at the original table in our first house.



And then, we lost that table during the house fire when the fiery roof collapsed on top of it. As with most things during the aftermath and putting our lives back together, we grieved the loss of our belongings along the way. We couldn’t stop everything we were doing to be fully present in our grief. It was too hard to push pause in the chaos around us to address our sorrow. If anything, we paused our emotional healing in order to address the physical needs in front of us; clothing and feeding our children, finding a temporary home to live in, and attempting to uncover hidden pockets of normalcy. 

Honestly, I haven’t thought of that table in years. And many years have passed since we received that gift from my mother-in-law who has since passed. 

And then we found ourselves in need of a new table for our breakfast nook. It’s a small space in our kitchen that has a large window where the sun first greets us in the morning. I don’t care for the typical Florida glass round tables that adorn many similar spaces. I wanted something solid for when the grand babies come to visit. Something that could endure booster seats and playdoh. 

I began my search online to find a gently used table that would work for the space. I couldn’t believe it when I stumbled upon the exact table. This was the same table where we taught our babies to fold their hands and thank God for our food. The same table where my kids drew their first letters and numbers. The same table where we celebrated birthdays and holidays. 

I was not looking for redemption. It unexpectedly found me. 

I purchased the table and choked back tears as I ran my fingers over the familiar wood grain. I am not nostalgic about most material goods, the fire took that out of me. However, having the table back in my home feels like I have a bit of our family history home again. We have a bit of my mother-in-law with us who became sweeter as she grew older and graced our lives with her joy. In the same way I was looking for pockets of normalcy after the fire, this feels like a hidden pocket of restoration. Of recompense. Of redemption. 

A bit of redemption in our cozy kitchen nook.

It’s been 23 years since we brought our first table home. The Lord did not forget the joy we shared around that space, and He did not forget our pain. He has hidden gifts of restoration and redemption just for us.  He has pockets of grace after chaos.


You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. Isaiah 58:12 (MSG)

Working Through Weariness

In the span of 11 weeks, my daughter married the love of her life, my mother-in-law succumbed to her lengthy battle with a disease, and my middle son graduated high school.

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If I’m honest, I’m bone-tired, friends.

The wedding was beautiful. The weather was gorgeous (for Michigan winters anyway) with the sun streaming through the stained glass windows and the groom eagerly awaiting his bride. Several of the guests described the wedding as the sweetest wedding they ever attended. My sons even sang to their sister as she danced with my husband (watch the video here). As I gazed upon my husband of 22 years leading our daughter across the dance floor, I kept thinking, “these are my people” and I was filled with overwhelming gratitude. At the end of the day my daughter said, “Mom, it was everything I ever wanted for my fairy tale wedding.” Not much else fills a mother’s heart than a happy child.

During wedding week we were able to visit my mother-in-law while she was in the hospital. It’s a miracle for all 6 of us to get together, let alone visiting my mother-in-law who’d been given a year to live five years ago. During our visit, my kids were able to tell her about their adventures of living in a new state and the challenges that came with integrating into a new culture. Toward the end of our visit, the kids blended their voices together in harmony as they sang a few of their choir songs. My dear mother-in-law, whose body was weary for this world, leaned over in her bed and allowed their sweet voices to minister to her soul. We prayed together at the end of our visit and knew that if this was the last time we see each other in this world, we would see her again in heaven. Mutual love for the Lord our God gave us hope for a reunion.

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She passed three and a half weeks later.

Grieving the death of a parent was new for my husband and I. And I wasn’t sure how to support him as he flew back and forth to take care of her before she breathed her last. We did our best having deep conversations with our kids about grief and loss and tried to help them process their emotions. Sorrow in loss is deep and cutting, but it’s the hope in healing that carried us through.

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We couldn’t stop long on the road of sorrow, because we had a son’s achievement to celebrate. As the third child to graduate high school I was fairly comfortable with throwing a graduation party, but let me tell you, it was tough. It wasn’t the planning or setting up that got to me. It was the aching feeling of utter aloneness that hit me hard. Without family support or close friends we’re still very much an island in our city. We have yet to be successful in finding a church to rally around us and help us cross the finish-line of raising our kids. So, we did the best we could and threw a party for my son and his friends. They were happy and enjoyed snacks and sodas, but for me there was a noticeable void of rejoicing with those that know us. That know our family. That know the ins-and-outs of our family dynamics.

Now that we’re through these beautifully challenging weeks, I’m bone weary. My heart is full of joy and sorrow and I hardly know which one I’ll be feeling tomorrow, but I’m determined to continue pressing on. This song, “Praise before Breakthrough,” has been on repeat on my heart and playlist for weeks as I work through my weariness.  

Now that we’re through these beautifully challenging weeks, I’m bone weary. My heart is full of joy and sorrow and I hardly know which one I’ll be feeling tomorrow.

This year is definitely one of the busiest ones for my family, but it will be okay. My husband and I decided at the beginning of this year that with so much activity (including my oldest son moving out at the end of the summer) that we just need to extend extra grace to each other as we navigate this year.

How are you extending grace to yourself, dear friend? What song is helping you pull yourself up by the spiritual bootstraps? How can I join you in prayer for the battles you’re facing? I pray you’re able to praise before your breakthrough. It will come. I just know it.

How to Position Yourself for the New Year

Have you been successful with New Year’s Resolutions?

Me neither.

In the past, I’d make lofty goals without any roadmap of how to get there. Within the first 90 days my resolutions would fall off the edge of the earth and I’d be back where I started.

Some years have been so tough that I was thankful to survive the year and glad to see it in the rearview mirror. Like 2016. THAT was a tough year for me. From January to December it was a battle. Some days I didn’t know how I’d survive. It kicked me down all the way into the end of 2017. When 2018 began I knew I needed to do something different. Rather than merely surviving the year, I needed to proactively overcome the year. I needed a shift in my thinking.

Here are 3 things I did to be more proactive in my year:

Reflect back on the year. If you journal, look back at your journal and think about all the highs and lows. Take a moment to breathe in gratitude for the highs and lows. The highs are more pleasant to think about, obviously, but the lows do something in our character that the highs can’t ever touch. What happened in you after the lows? What part of God was revealed during that time? How did you grow through it?

Think outside the box. It seems that resolutions revolve around physical health. While that’s a good goal, I think it sells us short to looking at the bigger picture of our lives. For me, I wrote down different categories of potential areas I wanted to grow in:

Spiritual

Relational

Physical

Professional

Financial

Personal

I spent several days thinking and praying about each area and wrote down specific things I wanted to see improvement or growth in myself. Some categories had a few items, some categories had nothing. It was merely a guideline for me to create a starting line for my year. The biggest one for me in 2018 was to do one self-care thing a month. I wrote about that HERE if you want to read about my journey.

Give yourself grace. I say this a lot, but it rings true. We, as women, are far harder on ourselves than our friends around us. We can be our own worst enemy and set impossible standards for ourselves. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt and press into what you have grace for.

In fact, giving grace to myself is one of my goals this year. As we step into the new year I’m looking down a long list of life-events for my family; my daughter getting married, a son graduating and going to college, and another son moving out. I want to be fully present for all these things and I need to give myself grace to be able to navigate through it all successfully.

What are some things you’re aiming to grow in 2019? How will you position yourself to be proactive in your goals? I believe in you. Be brave and strong as you take on the new year like the courageous woman I know you can be.

Give this Gift to Yourself this Holiday

Don’t you find it terribly ironic that after the day of giving thanks and being grateful for what we have, the culture pushes us to flock to stores to get more stuff? It’s hard to find a heathy balance between giving thoughtful gifts and just collecting more things. Throw in the Christmas concerts, school parties, and company gatherings to send a girl spinning.

So, what gift can you give yourself this year?

Give yourself the gift of GRACE.

What does this look like? It looks like cutting yourself some slack when you’re pinched for time. It means taking a nap when the baby is sleeping because you stayed up late wrapping presents. It looks like making frozen pizzas for dinner and not feeling guilty about it. It means treating yourself the way a friend would treat you, extending grace and not holding yourself to an impossible standard.

Why is this so hard for us? I have no idea, but I certainly have learned over the years to give myself grace when I find myself trying to climb the ladder of impossible expectations.

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Take a minute and ask yourself what is stressing you out right now? What could you do with this to give yourself grace?

What about...

STRESS: Feeling guilty for not making homemade cookies for your child’s school function

GRACE: Telling guilt to take a hike and buy the cookies


STRESS: Not having the house decorated exactly the way you want it

GRACE: Being fully present in the moment and grateful for the people inside your home


STRESS: Not being able to find that perfect gift for your loved one

GRACE: Gifts don’t ever last. Your presence and love last. Take pressure off yourself.


This time of year can bring out the best and worst in people. Invite God to fill you with grace and let it affect the world around you. After all, we received the gift of grace from our good Father, shouldn’t you share the wealth?

What Do You Smell Like?

Recently, during some travel, I stepped inside an airport terminal and the pungent aroma of raw onions assailed my nostrils. It was so pervasive and strong that I wondered if was a nearby restaurant chopping up bucketfuls of onions, or if it was a result of body odor from the masses of surrounding people as we stood in the long security lines. Either way, the smell was not pleasant.

In fact, during that trip, there were a few times where some unwelcome odors altered the atmosphere. Like the woman who rode on the 2-hour shuttle with her poor dog who was literally covered in poop. Or the man on the plane who smelled like he hadn’t showered in weeks.

As my olfactory senses were in overdrive, it got me thinking about my own stinkiness. And I don’t mean my sweaty stench after a workout, but my spiritual smell.

Let me clarify. When the woman with the poo-covered doggie stepped onto the shuttle, the atmosphere changed. Instead of reading my book in peace, I had to bury my nose in my sweater to avoid the foul air. How did the woman not smell her dog hours ago? How could she not know how bad the smell was?

That’s exactly my point.

If I have a crappy attitude or I’m being judgmental then I’m releasing an odor around me that’s not reflective of the love of God. Our lives are a Christ-like fragrance rising up to God (2 Cor 2:15a). How is my life changing the atmosphere? When I step into the room do those around me feel the presence of God? Do they sense His love and acceptance?

What do you think about this? Let me know in the comments below.

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