In the span of 11 weeks, my daughter married the love of her life, my mother-in-law succumbed to her lengthy battle with a disease, and my middle son graduated high school.
If I’m honest, I’m bone-tired, friends.
The wedding was beautiful. The weather was gorgeous (for Michigan winters anyway) with the sun streaming through the stained glass windows and the groom eagerly awaiting his bride. Several of the guests described the wedding as the sweetest wedding they ever attended. My sons even sang to their sister as she danced with my husband (watch the video here). As I gazed upon my husband of 22 years leading our daughter across the dance floor, I kept thinking, “these are my people” and I was filled with overwhelming gratitude. At the end of the day my daughter said, “Mom, it was everything I ever wanted for my fairy tale wedding.” Not much else fills a mother’s heart than a happy child.
During wedding week we were able to visit my mother-in-law while she was in the hospital. It’s a miracle for all 6 of us to get together, let alone visiting my mother-in-law who’d been given a year to live five years ago. During our visit, my kids were able to tell her about their adventures of living in a new state and the challenges that came with integrating into a new culture. Toward the end of our visit, the kids blended their voices together in harmony as they sang a few of their choir songs. My dear mother-in-law, whose body was weary for this world, leaned over in her bed and allowed their sweet voices to minister to her soul. We prayed together at the end of our visit and knew that if this was the last time we see each other in this world, we would see her again in heaven. Mutual love for the Lord our God gave us hope for a reunion.
She passed three and a half weeks later.
Grieving the death of a parent was new for my husband and I. And I wasn’t sure how to support him as he flew back and forth to take care of her before she breathed her last. We did our best having deep conversations with our kids about grief and loss and tried to help them process their emotions. Sorrow in loss is deep and cutting, but it’s the hope in healing that carried us through.
We couldn’t stop long on the road of sorrow, because we had a son’s achievement to celebrate. As the third child to graduate high school I was fairly comfortable with throwing a graduation party, but let me tell you, it was tough. It wasn’t the planning or setting up that got to me. It was the aching feeling of utter aloneness that hit me hard. Without family support or close friends we’re still very much an island in our city. We have yet to be successful in finding a church to rally around us and help us cross the finish-line of raising our kids. So, we did the best we could and threw a party for my son and his friends. They were happy and enjoyed snacks and sodas, but for me there was a noticeable void of rejoicing with those that know us. That know our family. That know the ins-and-outs of our family dynamics.
Now that we’re through these beautifully challenging weeks, I’m bone weary. My heart is full of joy and sorrow and I hardly know which one I’ll be feeling tomorrow, but I’m determined to continue pressing on. This song, “Praise before Breakthrough,” has been on repeat on my heart and playlist for weeks as I work through my weariness.
“Now that we’re through these beautifully challenging weeks, I’m bone weary. My heart is full of joy and sorrow and I hardly know which one I’ll be feeling tomorrow.”
This year is definitely one of the busiest ones for my family, but it will be okay. My husband and I decided at the beginning of this year that with so much activity (including my oldest son moving out at the end of the summer) that we just need to extend extra grace to each other as we navigate this year.
How are you extending grace to yourself, dear friend? What song is helping you pull yourself up by the spiritual bootstraps? How can I join you in prayer for the battles you’re facing? I pray you’re able to praise before your breakthrough. It will come. I just know it.