I Didn’t Deserve This...So Why am I Here?

In Revelations, there is a passage to the church of Philadelphia (Rev 3). Their city, at the time, was known for vineyards and earthquakes. Imagine the sights of sprawling vineyards with rich grapes gleaming in the sunlight and happy workers who enjoyed the bounty of the beautiful and abundant fruit.

Now, parallel the vineyards to their spiritual lives. I believe the people of Philadelphia were also flourishing in their walk with the Lord because the letter in Revelation commends them for their love.

However, the city was also known for earthquakes. Earth-shaking, floor-splitting, door-rattling earthquakes.

Again, look at that in the context of their spiritual lives. Although they had no control over the ground under their feet, again, and again they were shaken to the core of their being.

Sound familiar?

When I was in a mountaintop season of ministry, life was flourishing, ministry was thriving, and fruit was being produced in every area of my life. And then a figurative-earthquake shook me to the core of my being and made me question everything I ever knew.

Did I do something wrong? Even though I didn’t deserve this, what am I willing to do about it? Will I rebuild my life and replant the vines that produced so abundantly in the past? Or will I close shop, give up, and blame the earthquake for my inability to function in life?

What has shaken you to the core? How are you handling it? Reply to this email or comment below and let me know how I can support you in your season of replanting.

I'm Not a Survivor

A few years ago I endured severe emotional trauma. At the time, I knew I couldn’t climb my way out of the debilitating depression and feelings of worthlessness, so I reached out for professional help.

The counseling helped, but after many months I still didn’t feel “healed.” My heart still ached. I still wasn’t sleeping at night and I battled the lies in my head on a daily basis. At times I believed I would live with the wound forever. After all, the apostle Paul talked about a wound in his side that refused to be healed. Maybe this was to be my wound that I would carry for the rest of my life.

The two-year anniversary of the trauma came and went. I had hoped with that amount of time I would see myself rising above the fog, but I was still experienced heartache and sadness.

And then one morning I woke up.

I can’t explain it other than it felt like I was waking up for the first time. It was as if the fog had lifted and I was able to breathe again. I felt more alive, more fully present, more like myself-the person I knew before the trauma.

It took a few days for me to realize this new awakening wasn’t going to wear off. I journaled my experience. I shared it with my husband. It was as if I was alive again!

I felt prompted to see how many days had passed since the trauma. I’ve learned to not reason away those small nudges, sometimes it’s the Lord wanting me to see or hear something. So, I pulled up a website that calculated the number of days between the two dates.

Guess how many days between trauma to healing?

777 days.

I’m not smart enough to plan something that timely, something that perfect, something that beautifully expressed by my heavenly Father. But there it was, the length of time representing the number of perfection, completion, and presence of the Lord. I did not survive the emotional trauma, I purposefully looked for it on the horizon, I prayed for it, I endured it, I overcame it.

All that time between trauma and healing the Lord was working.

If you are stuck in a murky fog right now, don’t despair. Keep bringing your life to the Lord and trust that He will bring you out of it. You won’t just survive the ordeal, you WILL overcome it.  

It's Important to be Known by Name

I have two amazing sisters. When we were kids people would often get us confused. It was not uncommon for me to be called by my sister’s names by those who “knew” us. Sometimes we were even collectively referred to as “the Gardner girls” (Gardner was my maiden name). The worst was when we had a family photo for the church directory and they didn’t even bother printing our names.

It has always been important to me to be known by my name.

Sure, I have an unusual name and it’s been pronounced and/or spelled as; Janice, Tennis, and the most recent horror, Tan-dis. Is this better than not being known at all? I think it’s about the same level of disconnect. Not long ago I attended a women’s group and stopped going after 5 months because no one knew my name, even after I went to great lengths to get to know other people.

I’m not here to be anonymous. I believe we have an innate sense to be seen, heard, and valued for OUR identity, not for who we’re associated with or what we’ve done.

There was a woman who got pregnant by her boss, then fired by his wife, and thrown out into the wild to survive on her own. She was destitute and alone, and yet, God saw her in her pain and spoke hope to her situation (you can read the story in Genesis 16). God saw her and He sees you.

Maybe you need to hear this today. YOU ARE SEEN, HEARD, AND VALUED.

You are not anonymous. God knows your name. He sees you. He hears you. Press into that truth today. You matter, dear friend. 

I love Jesus, but I'm Still Learning How to Not be a Jerk

Part of being an adult is to not be a jerk. It’s simple I know, but seriously. A few weeks ago I had to email someone whose help I needed. Her response to my plea for help was very passive-aggressive and narcissistic. Yikes! Go back to Rule #1 of adulthood - don’t be a jerk.

I love words and they can be very powerful, so as soon as I received this woman’s response I immediately began crafting a sharp response that would get my point across and make some digs at her jerkiness the same time. Do you see what’s happening here? I was violating my own rule.

A wise friend once told me to give it 24 hours before responding to something like this. So, I walked away from the email and while I was cooling off, in the back of my mind (the way, way back) I heard this still small voice that asked me, “Will she see Jesus in you?”

Pffft! No. Not if I respond like a jerk! She probably gets responses like that all the time. And then I heard the question in my heart again but phrased another way, “How can you be Jesus to her?”

But, I don’t want to be like Jesus to her. She should be a professional. She should know better!

Right. But will you be Jesus to her?

I thought about this a while. Yes. I will.

So, I took a deep breath and re-crafted my email, this time with a word of encouragement and gratitude, and my original request for help was granted.

Who in your life rubs you the wrong way? How can you be Jesus to them? It’s hard, I know. Ask the Lord how He sees that person and get His perspective. Let me know how you do. You matter, dear friend. Your story matters.

How to Deal with Stupid Lies

Last week I shared a story of how a woman’s well-meaning concern triggered an old fear in me (click HERE if you missed it). False information can send our hearts pounding and our minds frozen. This week I want to unpack how to replace that false information with the truth.

The false information I shared last week was thinking my house was on fire. Even though it’s been many years since I lost everything in a house fire, I still have deeply embedded memories that are activated with the sight of smoke, a burning smell, or sometimes even a loud bang. When the aftermath of the fire was still fresh I was afraid to leave our home for fear it would burn while I was gone. When I would venture out I would inevitably hear the voice of fear telling me my house was on fire again.

It’s hard to be free when lies paralyze you with fear. Truth is the antidote.

In my own battle against the lies about my house burning again I took the word of God literally and began using scripture as a weapon. Every time I heard the lie, “Your house is burning,” I began slicing it with the truth; trust and faith in God that He would take care of me. I would recite (in my head or sometimes under my breath) the first few verses from the book of James; count it all joy my brethren when you fall into various trials...let patience have its perfect work...if you lack wisdom ask of God.

I definitely lacked wisdom during that time. Taking my fearful thoughts and shifting the focus off me to the wisdom of God helped calm my spirit and realize I’m not alone in this fight. As I look back at all the trials I’ve overcome through the years there is always an overarching theme or truth from scripture that helped me win the battle.

What fear are you battling? What scripture can you use to slice through that fear? You are powerful and stronger than you think!

This Information Made My Heart Pound...

The other day I was getting ready to take my son to school when a woman stopped in front of our driveway and told my son something was smoking in our backyard. I was still in the house gathering my purse and keys when he told me so I scurried outside to see what was going on. I could certainly smell smoke, but our backyard is mostly the pool surrounded by fencing.

Nothing was smoking. But the landscapers in my neighbor’s yard were firing up their weed-whackers letting out streams of smoke.

But my heart was pounding as if the whole backyard was engulfed.

And my fear of losing my house in a house fire flooded my brain.

What the well-meaning woman didn’t know was that I’ve survived a house fire. She had no idea that her concern would trigger the pain from my past; the pain of loss and fear of fire that took me years to heal from.

It took me a few hours to calm my pounding heart and frightened spirit. I had to recognize what triggered my emotions was false information and replace it with the truth.

Have you dealt with that? Your day is fine and then something triggers a memory or a feeling and suddenly you’re feeling depressed or afraid. Maybe it’s an off-hand remark that reminds you of something shameful from your past and ruins your whole day. Or an image or memory that points to an emotional wound that hasn’t healed. Next time you have this try to back up the day’s events and uncover what triggered your feelings. Recognize what is real and what is false information.

Next week I’ll talk about what to do next; replacing the false information with the truth. But until then, know that you matter and your story matters. 

Do You Realize the Power of Your Story?

When I designed my website I thought long and hard about how I can bless you, my readers. I kept coming back to the phrase, “You Matter. Your Story Matters.” It may be only a few words, but it speaks volumes to me and the reason why I write. You are the reason I write.

I love books. I’ve been an avid reader since I was a kid. Books tell stories and more importantly, the author crafting the words shares part of themselves through the story. Regardless if the genre is romance, or steampunk, or biographical, the story is what holds our attention. The story is what captivates and motivates us to turn the page.

Your life story is still being written. Maybe things haven’t gone exactly the way you planned. Maybe you’ve got writer’s block and you’re not sure what direction you should take in life. Or you feel stuck in a “Choose your own ending” type book and you don’t want to make the wrong decision and get started down a path you can’t get away from.

But here’s the deal, your life is your story and the world needs to hear it. Even if you’re feeling like a minor character in your own world, maybe you’re on the cusp of a great adventure that will catapult you into being the hero. Regardless of your stage in life, you matter and your story matters. Share your story and be amazed at the power of your life.

How Are You Caring for Your Soul?

At the beginning of this year, I made it a goal to take better care of myself. I’ve always been one to put the needs of others above my own. This may sound noble, but in reality, I’m a master of neglecting myself.

For this year, I’ve purposed to do at least one act of self-care each month. Most things are obvious like taking myself to the doctor for my annual checkup or going to the dentist. Some are more fun like an afternoon pedicure or going away for the weekend with a friend.

But it’s been during my weekly walks/run I’ve discovered that walking and listening to a podcast or worship music is the best self-care I can do for myself. In some ways, I’m taking care of my spirit, soul, and body in one motion. My spirit feels rejuvenated by listening to a good message while my heart is pumping blood through my body. And my soul is uplifted by spending time drawing closer to the Lord as I exercise my heart and spirit.

Attending to the needs of others has its benefits, but not at the expense of your own soul. How are you caring for your soul? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Have You Given Your Power Away?

I went through some trauma a few years ago and it shook me to the core of my being. I couldn't function. I couldn't think. I felt worthless, tossed aside, and hated.

It took many months before I began crawling out of the hole of despair and I still have days that I fight to quiet the voice of shame in my head. Recently my mentor said something that helped shift my thinking.

She asked, "When did you give your power away?"

At first, I didn't like the question. The person who inflicted the trauma stole my power. The trauma was not something I invited or even wanted and it left me defeated. But that's not what she meant. My mentor wanted me to pinpoint the time and space that I gave away my freedom to the voice of shame. When did I regard the condemning thoughts and feeling of others above my own self-worth?

Since that valuable conversation, I've purposed in my heart to take back my power. In reality, this looks like quieting the voice of shame. It looks like telling condemnation it has no place in my heart and mind. It's taking the lies that I hear in my head and replacing them with the truth.

"For if you embrace the truth, it will release more freedom into your lives." John 8:32

How are you taking your power back? I'd love to hear your comments below.

It sucks to be in the valley...

Mountaintop experiences are amazing. It takes a huge amount of work to conquer a challenge and you're feeling on top of the world. But then, inevitably the valley floor comes to greet you as you trip and fall down the mountainside. The brief moment of euphoria doesn't last long. The valley is endless, dry, and a soul-sucking time warp that makes you think you'll be here forever. 

You may be thinking, "Will I ever feel normal again?" or "Will I ever have this sorrow out of my heart?" It's painful now, I know, but joy is around the corner. When I was living in the valley, I found this verse and it brought refreshing to my cracked-heart.

Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand new.
It's bursting out! Don't you see it?
(Isaiah 43:18-19 MSG)

Get through this valley and when you look back, look for ways God matured you. And keep a ready eye on the horizon for your next mountaintop experience. It's bursting out! Don't you see it?

Though she be but little, she is fierce.

I'm not tall. I used to high-jump and I'd force my short legs to catapult me over the bar. Oftentimes in competitions, I'd beat out girls who were 6" taller than me. I may be little, but I am fierce.

To be fierce means; intensive aggressiveness, heartfelt intensity, powerful, destructive. 

Do you feel small? Do you wonder if you'll make a difference in this world? Don't let your physical size influence the intensity of your heart. Go after your passion. Be fierce. 

Welcome to my Blog!

I'm so glad you're here. You may be wondering why I'm doing a mini-blog instead of a regular blog. In simple terms, we're all busy and I'd rather deliver a small word of encouragement than a lengthy article that may deter you from reading.

Each week I'll post a mini-blog and a thoughtful quote to motivate you in your day. It will be short-and-sweet. I value your time and am grateful for you.

Thanks for stopping by!