I Didn’t Deserve This...So Why am I Here?

In Revelations, there is a passage to the church of Philadelphia (Rev 3). Their city, at the time, was known for vineyards and earthquakes. Imagine the sights of sprawling vineyards with rich grapes gleaming in the sunlight and happy workers who enjoyed the bounty of the beautiful and abundant fruit.

Now, parallel the vineyards to their spiritual lives. I believe the people of Philadelphia were also flourishing in their walk with the Lord because the letter in Revelation commends them for their love.

However, the city was also known for earthquakes. Earth-shaking, floor-splitting, door-rattling earthquakes.

Again, look at that in the context of their spiritual lives. Although they had no control over the ground under their feet, again, and again they were shaken to the core of their being.

Sound familiar?

When I was in a mountaintop season of ministry, life was flourishing, ministry was thriving, and fruit was being produced in every area of my life. And then a figurative-earthquake shook me to the core of my being and made me question everything I ever knew.

Did I do something wrong? Even though I didn’t deserve this, what am I willing to do about it? Will I rebuild my life and replant the vines that produced so abundantly in the past? Or will I close shop, give up, and blame the earthquake for my inability to function in life?

What has shaken you to the core? How are you handling it? Reply to this email or comment below and let me know how I can support you in your season of replanting.

I'm Not a Survivor

A few years ago I endured severe emotional trauma. At the time, I knew I couldn’t climb my way out of the debilitating depression and feelings of worthlessness, so I reached out for professional help.

The counseling helped, but after many months I still didn’t feel “healed.” My heart still ached. I still wasn’t sleeping at night and I battled the lies in my head on a daily basis. At times I believed I would live with the wound forever. After all, the apostle Paul talked about a wound in his side that refused to be healed. Maybe this was to be my wound that I would carry for the rest of my life.

The two-year anniversary of the trauma came and went. I had hoped with that amount of time I would see myself rising above the fog, but I was still experienced heartache and sadness.

And then one morning I woke up.

I can’t explain it other than it felt like I was waking up for the first time. It was as if the fog had lifted and I was able to breathe again. I felt more alive, more fully present, more like myself-the person I knew before the trauma.

It took a few days for me to realize this new awakening wasn’t going to wear off. I journaled my experience. I shared it with my husband. It was as if I was alive again!

I felt prompted to see how many days had passed since the trauma. I’ve learned to not reason away those small nudges, sometimes it’s the Lord wanting me to see or hear something. So, I pulled up a website that calculated the number of days between the two dates.

Guess how many days between trauma to healing?

777 days.

I’m not smart enough to plan something that timely, something that perfect, something that beautifully expressed by my heavenly Father. But there it was, the length of time representing the number of perfection, completion, and presence of the Lord. I did not survive the emotional trauma, I purposefully looked for it on the horizon, I prayed for it, I endured it, I overcame it.

All that time between trauma and healing the Lord was working.

If you are stuck in a murky fog right now, don’t despair. Keep bringing your life to the Lord and trust that He will bring you out of it. You won’t just survive the ordeal, you WILL overcome it.