4 Tips on How to Be Fully Present this Holiday

I’m in my 10th year as a choir/band mom. My oldest began choir her 6th grade year which led the charge for all her siblings to join in music in one form or another. This means that I’ve sat in many auditoriums, theatres, and stadiums getting my ears tickled by the sounds of music. It’s funny how we’ll be sitting through the program and recognize a song that a different child sang or played at another time and place.

The songs haven’t changed much, but there has been a dramatic shift that has not gone unnoticed. As the students are giving the gift of music, the audience is inevitably on their phones. It’s devastating, really. The addiction to phones steals priceless memories that cannot be replaced.

I was recently at the happiest place on earth watching an entertaining performance by the main cast. A couple standing next to us was trying to capture the moment with a perfect picture. They took a picture, then looked at it on their phone. Then took another, then looked at it. Then took yet another one and looked at it. This continued until the show was over. They had missed the event entirely.

They were so intent on sharing that they were not present.

I work virtually and my phone helps me get my work done throughout the day. It is a tool I use to serve my job, not the other way around. I do not serve my phone. When it dings, I don’t jump to its command. But I fear our phones are becoming a dominant voice that’s drowning out the voices and attention of our loved ones. How can we turn this around?

Here are 4 tips that may help you be fully present this holiday:

1. Move your social media to the last page on your phone. This helps me not default to tapping on social media when I have an extra minute. As you’re swiping to get to the link, ask yourself if you really need to check it right now.

2. Turn off notifications.  I have a strong dislike for notifications. They’re interrupters and upset my flow during the day. Again, I don’t jump to the “ding” on my phone. It’s there to serve me and I will check it when it fits my schedule. If it’s an emergency, they’ll call.

3. Remove the pressure of having to capture every moment. My husband recently took me to a concert. The hall forbade any recording or pictures. It was so delightful to sit and listen and not worry about having to take video to share with others. This was a special memory for just my husband and I to share.

4. Put the phone down. This is hard, I know. But feast your eyes on the faces you’re with. Breathe in the smells of the season. Delight your heart on the giggles and smiles that are shared. Be fully present.

Don’t Think About Giving This Gift--Just Give It

I have a confession to make. I’m super analytical and sometimes an over-thinker. I don’t just think about something, but I’ll look at different angles of the situation and analyze the people involved, or the setting, or anything else that could possibly play a role. At heart, I’m my own version of Sherlock Holmes.

Sometimes overthinking can be a weakness when I don’t follow the nudge of the Holy Spirit. I’ll be in the store minding my own business and I’ll see a perfect stranger and I’ll feel the Lord nudging me to give them a word of encouragement. Sometimes I’m brave and I’ll tell them what the Lord puts on my heart. Sometimes I chicken out and I don’t.

Here’s a perfect example. I was traveling for work and I felt like the Lord wanted me to encourage the man sitting next to me on the plane. I was enjoying solitude while reading my book and sipping my coffee and didn’t feel like encouraging the man next to me. What if he thinks I’m hitting on him? What if he thinks I’m a weirdo and has to sit next to me the rest of the plane ride?

With a bad attitude, I said to the Lord, “Fine, show me how you see this man.” Instantly, I saw a picture of this man’s burden. Compassion pressed against my heart. God’s love for him filled my eyes with tears and I was so grateful to hear the Lord on this man’s behalf.

But did I tell the man? No.

I chickened out and walked off that plane with the beautiful picture of how God sees him tucked away in my imagination. I felt guilty, but not guilty enough to go chasing after the man.

But God, in His infinite wisdom and graciousness, saw fit for the man to show up at my conference. I shook my head and laughed when I realized God was giving me a second chance to partner with Him. So, I repented and asked God for another opportunity, and of course, He created an opening for me to share with the man the image God showed me.

With tears in his eyes, the man thanked me for giving him the word of encouragement. He didn’t run in terror of my awkwardness, but humbly accepted the words I shared from the Lord. I was merely a conduit connecting him to the heart of God.

What a tremendous privilege.

Who is God asking you to encourage? Will you be brave and do it? Don’t overthink it. Take a risk. Be brave. Give a word of encouragement to a perfect stranger. Telling them God loves them is a beautiful thing. I can’t think of a better gift to give this season.

Give this Gift to Yourself this Holiday

Don’t you find it terribly ironic that after the day of giving thanks and being grateful for what we have, the culture pushes us to flock to stores to get more stuff? It’s hard to find a heathy balance between giving thoughtful gifts and just collecting more things. Throw in the Christmas concerts, school parties, and company gatherings to send a girl spinning.

So, what gift can you give yourself this year?

Give yourself the gift of GRACE.

What does this look like? It looks like cutting yourself some slack when you’re pinched for time. It means taking a nap when the baby is sleeping because you stayed up late wrapping presents. It looks like making frozen pizzas for dinner and not feeling guilty about it. It means treating yourself the way a friend would treat you, extending grace and not holding yourself to an impossible standard.

Why is this so hard for us? I have no idea, but I certainly have learned over the years to give myself grace when I find myself trying to climb the ladder of impossible expectations.

Take a minute and ask yourself what is stressing you out right now? What could you do with this to give yourself grace?

What about...

STRESS: Feeling guilty for not making homemade cookies for your child’s school function

GRACE: Telling guilt to take a hike and buy the cookies

STRESS: Not having the house decorated exactly the way you want it

GRACE: Being fully present in the moment and grateful for the people inside your home

STRESS: Not being able to find that perfect gift for your loved one

GRACE: Gifts don’t ever last. Your presence and love last. Take pressure off yourself.

This time of year can bring out the best and worst in people. Invite God to fill you with grace and let it affect the world around you. After all, we received the gift of grace from our good Father, shouldn’t you share the wealth?

Can You Afford to Give This Gift?

I’ve never been a very good gift giver. It’s not that I don’t enjoy giving gifts, I do, but I’m just not good at the bows and packaging. To me, it’s almost like a craft which has never been my strength. Despite my gift-giving deficiencies, I do enjoy thinking about giving things to my loved ones that I know would bring them joy.

There’s one gift that can be given all year round and yet it’s the hardest to give.

The gift of forgiveness.

This time of year can stir up all sorts of old hurts and offenses when we’re surrounded by people. So, what’s a girl to do when there are scabs of unforgiveness are picked at the holiday party? The choice is to continue to let the pain fester or to finally let it heal once and for all.

Forgiveness is not a one-hit-wonder. It’s not a singular moment where you “feel” like you’ve finally forgiven, you’ve finally healed from the source of pain. Rather it’s a posture of the heart to release the person from their offense. It doesn’t condone their behavior or excuse it. Forgiveness allows you to let go of the pain and make room for God to heal your hurt.

There have been times where I’ve had to forgive a person daily, sometimes hourly. If you’re in this cycle, keep going, keep forgiving. A wise friend once told me you’ll know you’re finally healed when you’re able to look back on the situation and feel peace instead of pain. If getting to the place of healing means removing yourself from toxic people, then take the necessary steps towards that. Forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing the person to continually infect your life with their toxicity. Be wise about protecting your heart and your family.

If you’ve held forgiveness hostage, then try to take the first steps toward your freedom. In your prayer times tell the Lord you forgive this person. Don’t shame yourself if you don’t “feel” like you’ve forgiven them. Remember, it takes time. You’ll have to keep forgiving them until all the pain is out of your heart.

Be brave, dear one. Forgiveness is never easy, but it’s absolutely necessary to live a free and fulfilled life. You can do this.