When I was growing up, my family moved around a few times which meant I switched schools more than once, six times to be exact. I got really good at making new friends and adjusting to the world around me. It was never easy, but I managed.
My family and I recently relocated to Florida. I’m not in grade school anymore, and I’ve paid my dues with reaching out to people, but finding community here has been far harder than I was prepared for. At the encouragement of a dear friend, I’ve crossed the street and introduced myself to my neighbors. I’ve visited over a dozen churches. I’ve been friendly, but loneliness follows me around like a shadow I just can’t shake.
It’s gotten to the point that I wonder if I’m invisible. It sounds stupid, I know, but after attending the same church for 9 months I felt completely anonymous. So, I quit. My disappointment with the church has made me question the modern-day Christian community/clique. But that’s a different blog topic.
I know I’m not alone in my loneliness. It’s something everyone struggles with at some point in their lives. How can we be surrounded by people, yet not feel connected? So, what’s a girl to do? I love Jesus – he’s my favorite, and yet I struggle to find a community that loves Him and acts like him in reaching out to others.
We make connections through vulnerability. No one makes connections by “having it all together.” I teeter on the edge of being vulnerable and reaching out to others, but fear holds me back from being rejected. And yet I hold on to hope and continue to put my heart out there. I see glimpses of Jesus at Bible Study and I remind my soul to not be discouraged.
I don’t have deep words of wisdom to share today, other than if you’re battling loneliness – you’re not alone. Have courage, dear heart.
